5 Ways Venezuelan Women Are Risking Their Lives To Get Fake Boobs

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Take the superficial vanity of Hollywood and transport it thousands of miles south and you’ll come to understand the Venezuelan standard of beauty. For them what looks good must be good. Thusly, self-esteem climbs with every swipe of a scalpel no matter how much money you don’t have. And in Venezuela, they ain’t got a lot.

Despite the best efforts of Hugo Chavez and his oil exporting the country is in complete and total disarray financially, politically and socially. Somehow, in all this unrest, breast implant surgeries, despite their cost outpacing the annual income of your average Venezuelan, became the go-to standard of beauty.

And Venezuelan women are willing to risk death to get them.

Made in China

If we’re talking Chinese food made here in the states, you’re golden. If you’re talking about Chinese-made anything else, you need to be a hardcore skeptic when it comes to putting their stuff inside your body. Venezuelan women didn’t get that memo…or ignored it when they saw it at the surgeon’s office. They want to look beautiful. And in their world ‘beautiful’ means ‘bountiful’ in terms of breastitude.

As a result, Chinese-made breast implants, which are subject to far less rigorous safety testing procedures, are being snatched right up despite their tendency to rupture.

No money don’t stop breast growth

Corruption in Hugo Chavez’s government destroyed the private sector chasing industry and innovation back across its borders. This led to joblessness and lack of financial opportunity, but not to booblessness and lack of mammarial jiggliosity. Whether rich or poor Venezuelan women will make the titty happen. They will save up for months and even years in order to afford the procedure.

Supersize me

The implant size you want isn’t available? Just get what’s available even if it’s bigger, right? Wrong. Getting fake boobies isn’t like buying a new shirt at the dollar store. A little extra cloth isn’t gonna disfigure your chest and destroy your back unless it’s made of tin. You wouldn’t wear a 40lb. tin shirt would you? Exactly.

You really can get everything on Craigslist

Breast augmentation surgeries are in such high demand that they regularly run out of both high and low caliber implants. The absolutely desperate turn to Craigslist to buy envelopes promising to be filled with sterile, reliable implants that ‘the wife no longer wanted.’ Some of these may have actually worked out. Other women, you can be sure, got taken like health tonic customers in the 1800’s.

Delay, delay, delay!

Remember when I said Chinese implants had a tendency to rupture? Yeah…Venezuelan women purchase and have ‘em installed anyway. Instead of having them immediately removed when they rupture, these women often wait until they can afford to have them switched out with another pair of black market breastissez. If it wasn’t so uproariously fucked up, you’d almost admire the efforts they undergo to become what they think is beautiful.

[Image via ShutterStock]