Oh Just Your Average, Everyday, Wild Boar Falling Through The Ceiling At The Mall

Just when I thought my blogging job couldn’t get any better, a fucking wild boar kicks through the ceiling at Baby Gap in a Hong Kong mall. Why was a wild boar even within the proximity of a mall? Doesn’t matter. It’s the internet. And when the internet hands you a nugget of pure gold, you best not ask questions. Just smile, nod your head, tip your cap to the Internet Gods for giving you the opportunity to use the shitty dad-joke ‘boar in a china shop,’ and continue waiting for your RedTube vids to finish downloading.

Buttttt if I were to venture a guess, I’d say that the boar escaped from the kitchen at the Chinese joint in the Food Court. There’s no way in hell those free samples are chicken meat. I guess now that I know they’re frying up wild boar back there, there’s no need for me to bring a fake mustache and a change of clothes to the mall so I can score multiple samples without getting found out. I’ll have to switch to Taco Bell. Rat meat seems  like the safer option.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.