Woman’s Life Saved In 80 MPH Car Accident Thanks To Her Ginormous 38JJ Breasts

Tits saves lives. It’s a goddamn fact. Take Sarah Foster (Not Sara Foster from 90210 fame and who was a bikini model) for example, this young lady would not be alive today if God didn’t generously give her these hefty 38JJ breasts.

Foster was enroute to a christening with her partner Marie, 36, and children Steven, 13, and Megan, 8, when they pulled over so that Sarah could have a cigarette. Suddenly, a Mini Cooper speeding at 80 mph lost control and crashed into the median. The vehicle veered directly at Sarah and luckily her gargantuan bazongas hit the windshield first and she bounced off the car, which smashed into a tree right after hitting the well-endowed woman. “If I was skinny, I would have just stayed there on that windscreen and hit the tree that the car hit afterwards,” said Foster.

She survived the near-fatal collision solely because of her bodacious bazookas.

“If you didn’t have these boobs, you’d be dead now,” doctors told the 28-year-old. “If you were a skinny person, but don’t take that the wrong way, the impact would have killed you straight out. But because you’ve got really big boobs and you’re quite a big girl, the impact made you bounce like airbags.”

Seeing the efficiency and safety of these mammoth mammaries, maybe we should consider replacing airbags with funbags in all vehicles effective immediately starting in my crappy hooptie. #SafetyFirst