I plan to live my entire life as the drunk uncle–jump in the bounce house with the kids and dunk on them on their Fischer Price hoop, but jump ship when they start shitting their pants and crying. I got no time for that emo shit. It’s the perfect ‘have your cake and eat it too’ scenario.
I understand that children light up their parents lives and instill new meaning into their existence and all that jazz but truthfully I’d have trouble taking care of a tomagachi at this point in my life, nevermind a crying, pooping, snot-nosed human.
And this way of life has only been reconfirmed by a Facebook post from a 32-year-old artist, blogger and mother of four describing the typical sexual experience with her husband while the kids are under their roof.
The post has been shared over 21,000 times and had almost 84,000 likes. If Planned Parenthood had a shred of foresight they would see this post as a contraceptive technique and implement it in its marketing strategy.
I never thought I’d say this, but I’m starting to buddy up with condoms. Who have I become?
P.S. What in God’s green Earth is a minge? Is that a mom vagina? LMK.