Dickhead Best Man Stole The Cash He Collected For Bachelor Party To Fund His Gambling Habit And His Excuse Is F’ed Up

Now before I rip into this dude, I think it’s only fair to admit that about 5 years ago, as commissioner of a fantasy league, I spent all the entry fees I collected right when I got them. This resulted in a two week delay at the end of the season for me to save up enough to give winners their due earnings. In my defense, I paid both winners in full and am genuinely a shitty person who cannot help himself.

But then there’s the story of Martyn Galvin, a British dude who was given the great honor and responsibility of being asked by his best friend of 18 years to be his best man. Part of those best man responsibilities included organizing a bachelor party  to Prague, Czech Republic with the groom and 17 of his friends.

The 30-year-old Galvin collected £7,945 ($10,400) from the group to cover the cost of flights and hotel rooms. But when the group of 17 arrived at the Newcastle airport in England, they quickly realized that nothing had been booked. They had been left with their dicks in their hands.

The groom started to do some retrospective thinking and started putting the pieces together. He claimed that leading up to the event, Galvin complained that he hadn’t received the money from all the participants and had dodged some of the meetings to plan the event, claiming he had tests and an operation for bowel cancer and needed chemotherapy.

Now, why the groom didn’t drop everything and sit by Galvin’s made-up bedside upon hearing that his best friend had terminal cancer, is something the court documents didn’t clarify. WHO’S THE SHITTY FRIEND NOW?!

Anyway, the groom called Galvin’s mother from the airport and she confirmed that her son did not have bowel cancer, or any cancer for that matter. He then found out the Galvin used the entire $10,000 of the bachelor party stash to fund his incessant gambling addiction.

Here’s what went down when the groom confronted his ex-best man, per the Gazette:

“I’m sorry,” said Galvin when he was finally confronted days later.

“Cancer, mate,” the groom said.

Galvin, said he was in debt and had planned to kill himself. He later admitted fraud by false representation between January and October 2015.

Judge Simon Bourne-Arton QC, told Galvin in court:

“This fraud is perhaps one of the nastiest and meanest I’ve encountered in my time involved in criminal law.

“The fraud involved a string of quite dreadful lies, lies to your best friend, a man who entrusted in you the task and the honour of being his best man.

“To lie as you did so brazenly, so persistently and in such detail about your health, only you know how you could do that.

“You extravagantly were spending, flashing the cash on yourself.”

He jailed Galvin for 20 months and ordered him to pay the full compensation in 28 days.

Moral of the story: have the groom organize his own fucking bachelor party if he doesn’t even care that you have butthole cancer.

[h/t Gazette]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.