Dude Gives The Worst Justification Humanity Has Ever Seen For Why He Likes To Get Blowjobs

by 3 years ago
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There are a lot of justifications for liking blowjobs. There’s the pleasure of plentiful saliva as lubricant. The contrasting surfaces and textures of tongue, roof of mouth, lips, and teeth. There’s the naughty joy of using one of the body’s organs in a way God didn’t intend you to.

You can like blowjobs. Most everyone likes them. And you can like them for pretty much whatever reason you want. Except one.

That reason is: I like them because they are the only thing in the world that can’t be construed as sexual assault. That’s a weird reason for liking blowjobs. For lots of things can be construed as not sexual assault. Adopting a puppy. Talking about fish. Charging your cell phone. Eating pasta for lunch. Using the internet to book a hotel room for an upcoming trip. Walking. Debating what beer to buy at a bar.

Pretty much anything in the world, up to and including many and most sexual actions, are not considered rape. But that’s the justification one “Jesse” gives in a New York Magazine post titled “10 Men on What a Blow Job Feels Like.” It feels like not rape, Jesse said, unlike all those above behaviors I listed. Which, according to Jesse, do.

Here’s his explanation in full.

To me, in a twisted way, it seems like one of the few things that couldn’t secretly still be rape. It’s clearly her choice, and the more clearly it seems like her choice, the better it is for me. On her knees seems submissive, but to me it’s the perfect balance. I’m dominant but she’s making the choice for herself. It’s the wokest sex act masquerading as the most degrading.

No.

I sent that quote and article to two of my favorite, smartest friends. Here’s our Twitter DM about it.

Amanda: There is a lot of staggering male stupidity there
David: i’m still hungup on this
David Covucci: i can think of lots of things that are not sexual assault
Amanda: And you can definitely rape someone in the mouth? Like I don’t think he understands the definition.
Cat: what…….does he think rape is
David: i don’t think he understands a lot of things
David: It’s the wokest sex act masquerading as the most degrading.
Cat: ……like is he worried he might accidentally be raping someone during any sex
Cat: so he likes to stand very still just in case
Cat: “bitch can’t accuse me of rape if i dont move at all during sex”
Amanda: “I’m just gonna stand here, and if you wanna have sex, just back up onto my dick. No pressure.”

Yea, dude. Like if every part of your sex life is so constantly dangling on the precipice of “this might be sexual assault” that you prefer to stick to blowies so there’s no question you aren’t committing rape, perhaps instead of asking for some head, reevaluate every single thing you do in bed.

Also, “it’s the wokest sex act masquerading as the most degrading” is the kind of crock of shit some dude who barely comprehended the first Foucault piece he was assigned in his Intro to Postmodernity class yet still wants to contribute to the class discussion would cook up.

Just say, “I wanna get my dick sucked.”

That’s the only reason you need.

[Via NY Mag]


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