Even if you know less than nothing about soccer, you at least know that Lionel Messi is the LeBron James or Tom Brady of that sports-viewing world. He is to FC Barcelona what your balls are to your penis. And now he wants an ass-load of money, apparently from Arsenal.
The mere thought of losing Messi to Arsenal for what would be an absurd $900,000 a week has desperate fans reeling for a solution.
So what exactly would this brilliant solution be built around? Crowdsourcing! Seriously, this is a great idea.
If you take into account how many crazed soccer devotees there are across the globe, especially ones with their eyes firmly fixated on Messi, the money to pay his salary could probably be raised in a week.
Such an idea now has me wondering, first, if this is even legal. And second, why Cleveland Cavalier fans weren’t clever enough to try this crowdsourcing idea by donating $10 each to keep LeBron from ever bolting to Miami. The touching gesture just might’ve been enough to keep Bron-Bron’s heart and body in Ohio. Instead, they lit his jersey on fire. Very clever.
And as Jack Moore of GQ points out, pro sports franchises in the U.S. routinely mug their fans for exorbitant tax dollars to pay for new stadiums, a trend that seems to be happening every 20 years or so rather than every 50. Yes, I’m looking at you, Arthur Blank, you greedy, Gonzo-nosed prick.
So who’s to say teams can’t start official GoFundMe campaigns during their respective free agent seasons? Having said that, I fully expect a statement from the N.Y. State Attorney General — the great Eric Schneiderman! — admonishing this very idea and calling for immediate action to prevent such a trend from ever starting.