Cavaliers Fan Just Got A Massive ‘2015 NBA Champs’ Tattoo So I Just Bet The Farm On Golden State

“”Meet Cavaliers fan (and martyr) Lonynell Coleman. Coleman is so goddamn sure that his Cavaliers squad is going to take down the high-octaned offensive juggernaut that is the Golden State Warriors, he penned it on his calf for all eternity. Shall we remind him that Kyrie Irving is hobbling around on a glass foot and that Kevin Love is watching from his living room? Nah, fuck it.

Coleman told 19 Action News,

“I was like look, if the Cavs get to the finals, I’m getting a tattoo before, before they win and it’s gonna happen. They say we’re cursed? I’m gonna reverse it.”

Insufferable. Another dicktooth playing God. The worst people on the planet. They have to be, right? I mean there’s confidence and then there’s this shit. “We’re going to win because I got a calf tat to prove it!!” Chew on glass, bro. Like it’s kind of a douchebag move to get a championship tattoo after your team has won it, but before, that’s just unforgivable. Dude, when you find out your wife is pregnant, do you immediately start painting the baby’s room blue and buy a racecar bed just because you’re hoping its a boy? No. You wait for the doctor to put that weird KY jelly shit on her stomach and you can see your baby’s wiener in the X-ray machine thingy. That’s how things work on Earth.

I propose that if the Cavs lose the series he should have to hack his leg off on a national broadcast. Bring in Ernie and the gang from TNT and make a night of it. Have Charles mutter a few zingers and Shaq say a few words that no one can quite understand, and ratings would go through the roof. We’ll call it The Decision: Part II. They’re both equally as painful.

P.S. Here’s what can happen when you act like you’ve won before you’ve actually won.


[H/T For The Win]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.