Sports

9 Ways Chad Ochocinco’s Twitter Can Save Your Blackout Wednesday

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Chad Ochocinco likes the ladies too, and he’s leveraging Twitter to create some pretty nice ROI in the female relations department.

Here’s what you can learn from his Twitter game to get some ass you’ll be thankful for this Blackout Wedneday.

Don’t be selfish:

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But make sure the 'box island' is worthy:

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Don’t be shy:

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And if it works out for you, take off your damn briefs.

Be prepared:

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The Boy Scouts probably weren’t thinking about sex playlists when they decided on their motto, but it applies nonetheless. Ocho goes with R. Kelly. You could add a little of The Weeknd or RiRi. You don’t want to leave any magic on the table if the girl whose vacation bikini pics you’ve had saved in your “Microsoft Excel 101” folder on your desktop since junior year finally comes around.

In the short term, vulnerability can pay off:

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These nonsense tweets got crazy engagement.

Side note: The two best texts to send when a chick is ignoring you and you realize the conversation ratio is currently 8 to 0 are: “I’m so vulnerable right now.” And “This is so us.”

If you get a little too aggressive in your quest for Blackout Wednesday love, these may come in handy and get you back in the game.

Love animals:

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Showing photos of your new puppy, even if it's from Google Images, can’t lose.

Don’t let the haters get to you:

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It’s always good to have a quick comeback ready. Interestingly Ocho has moved on from “Child, please.” but “Nipples” is pretty strong.

Return compliments:

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This may require a little Facebook research to see what people have been up to, but it won’t be that hard, and could go a schlong way. If you freeze up or are too drunk to think of anything clever to say, simply complimenting a woman’s nails seems to go a long way for Ocho.

Embrace the girls who love grammar:

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Do you remember The Great Gatsby in Ms. Grey’s English class? I wish I would have talked to you more. That class was mad boring. What grade did you get in that class? An A?! Fascinating.

Good luck out there, gentlemen. And don’t thank Ocho. He’s happy to teach.

Find an archive of Jake's articles here. 

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