How Current NBA Stars Would Do In A Game Against Players From The Early 1900s: An Analysis

The game of basketball was conceived in 1891 by Canadian physical education professor Mr. James Naismith for the sole purpose of keeping his class occupied on a rainy day.

In its infancy, the game was played with a soccer ball on a peach basket with its bottom intact. Dribbling was not introduced until five years later, subsequently bringing about the traveling rule, which James Harden would abolish over a century later.

Initially, the game was only played at YMCAs throughout the United States and several girl’s high schools.

Today, 130 years later, professional basketball is a multi-billion dollar enterprise, reaching hundreds of millions worldwide and played by the most recognizable faces on the planet.

To truly register just how far the game has evolved in its history, let’s square up the NBA’s current top players with the men who set the stage for the game as we know it today.

 Tony”Whole Show” Lavelli vs. Steph Curry

Lavelli Sabermetrics:

• 6’3”, 185 pounds
• Played two seasons for the Boston Celtics from 1949-1951 after being selected as the fourth overall pick
• Averaged 6.9 points, 2.0 rebounds, and 0.7 assists per game
• Scored 1,964 points in four years at Yale and graduated as the fourth highest-scorer in college basketball history
• 4x All-American, one Player of the Year award
• A skilled accordionist, Lavelli was nicknamed “Whole Show” because between halves, he serenaded the 5,000 fan audience with a few numbers on his accordion, including “I Want a Helicopter” and “You’re the Boppiest Bee-Bop.”

Curry Sabermetrics:

• 6’3”, 185 pounds
• Widely considered the best shooter in the game’s history, shattering his own record for most three pointers in a season with 402.
• 3x NBA Champion
• 2x NBA MVP
• One of only eight NBA players in history to enter esteemed 50-40-90 club.

Advantage: “Whole Show” Lavelli has the Whole Package #MoreThanJustAPlayer

HanniBALL Lecter vs. James Harden

HanniBALL Lecter Sabermetrics:

• After extensive research, I was unable to find any statistics on Mr. Lecter, who appears to be rocking a wool turtleneck and a jock strap on his face.

James Harden Sabermetrics:

• 6’5”, 220 pounds
• 3x NBA scoring champion
• NBA MVP
• 6x All-NBA First Team
• 2x Gold medal winner

Advantage: HanniBALL Lecter

If you think I’m brave enough to give the advantage to Harden at the risk of Hanniball haunting my life forever, you obviously don’t know how big of a coward I am. Rest in peace sir HanniBALL, sir.

Bob Davies vs. Luka Dončić

Bob Davies Sabermetrics: 

• Named MVP of the NBL for the 1946–47 season
• NBA All-NBA First-Team four straight years
• Led the Rochester Royals to the 1951 NBA Championship
• In 10 NBL/NBA seasons, Davis scored 7,770 points, averaging 13.7 a game, and had 2,250 assists
• Inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame in 1970
• Believed to be the originator of the behind-the-back dribble, not Bob Cousy

Luka Dončić Sabermetrics:

• At 15, became the youngest player in Real Madrid history
• EuroLeague MVP
• EuroLeague 2010-2020 All-Decade Team
• Rookie of the Year
• First-Team All-NBA
• 21 years old

Advantage: Inconclusive. I’m still not sure Bob and Luka aren’t the same person.

***We interrupt this post to remind you that those who do not remember the past, are condemned to repeat it.***

Ben Simmons is somewhere like “Dude, that’s my grandfather.” 

Dutch Dehnert vs. LeBron James

Dutch Dehnert Sabermetrics:

• 6’1”, 210 pounds (in his neck alone)
• Member of the original Celtics
• 4x ABL champion
• 2x knee pads
• Probably smoked cigarettes on the bench
• The originator of load management

LeBron James Sabermetrics:

• 6’9”, 250 pounds
• Widely considered to be the best player ever after winning Jared Dudley a title
• Widely considered a “communist sympathizer“
• 4x NBA champion
• 4x MVP
• May be a cyborg

Advantage: LeBron James
Advantage in a farting competition: Dutch Oven Dehnert

George Mikan vs. Giannis Antetokounmpo

George Mikan Sabermetrics:

• 6’10”, 245 pounds
• Nicknamed Mr. Basketball
• 5x BAA/NBA Champion
• 2x NBL Champion
• NBL MVP
• Prompted several rule changes in the NBA, including goal-tending and the creation of the shot clock.
• Played with thick, round spectacles for superior court vision

Giannis Antetokounmpo Sabermetrics:

• 6’11”, 240 pounds
• Nicknamed The Greek Freak
• 2x NBA MVP
• Became the first player in NBA history to finish a regular season in the top 20 in all five statistics of total points, rebounds, assists, steals, and blocks
• NBA Defensive Player of the Year

Advantage: George Mikan (never bet against a man crazy enough to wear glasses in a contact sport).

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After statistical analysis powered by advanced algorithms, our calculation found that if these two eras competed in a 48-minute game with the current rules in place, the outcome would be:

Current NBA Players: 278, Old Timers: 6

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This piece was inspired by our recent podcast with Jalen Rose in which he ripped those who undermined Larry Bird’s abilities because he played against “plumbers.” Some dudes transcend time. Larry Legend is one.

Listen to Jalen talk about the brilliance of Bird at the 32:45 mark below.