@Realrclark25 on X / ESPN
Former Detroit Lions quarterback and current ESPN NFL analyst Dan Orlovsky has made his childlike palette part of his shtick, as he’s even got a SportsCenter segment called “Let Dan Cook” where he’ll break down a quarterback play and then uncork an insane food take like enjoying ketchup with steak or cucumbers in tacos. His latest quirk, however, might be his most disgusting yet.
While Dan Orlovsky’s been known to enjoy chicken without seasoning or ordering bowls at Chipotle with only chicken and cheese, the unholy acts he commits upon Reese’s peanut butter cups genuinely constitutes something that should have him thrown into an institution and studied.
On Thursday, Orlovsky’s co-worker Ryan Clark shared a video of Orlovsky eating a Reese’s in the ESPN break room/green room. Orlovsky, however, in a combination of behaviors that are likely displayed by children, small birds that are feeding their young, and lunatics, was trying to eat AROUND the chocolate (“I don’t like milk chocolate,” he reasons) and only eats the peanut butter.
Forgetting, for a second, about the inherent disgustingness and nearly impossible physics of what Orlovsky’s attempting, eating like this in PUBLIC as a 41-year-old man is a bold move, Cotton, to say the least.
Want to see a good crime? Here’s how @danorlovsky7 eats a Reese’s peanut butter cup… or doesn’t really eat it. Doesn’t like milk chocolate. Just eats around it. pic.twitter.com/Vynuexp178
— Ryan Clark (@Realrclark25) January 30, 2025
Clark’s video of Orlovsky blew up on social media as it has over 4.5 million views at the time of this writing, with an understandably aghast Pat McAfee replying, “There is NO F—— WAY.”
Former ESPN personality Mike Golic Jr. also chimed in to suggest that Orlovsky should be thrown in a “maximum security prison” and “never see the sun again after this.”
maximum security prison. @danorlovsky7 I’m sorry but you should never see the sun again after this https://t.co/8EtrEXyByw
— Mike Golic Jr (@mikegolicjr) January 30, 2025
wait til Dan Orlovsky finds out you can buy peanut butter https://t.co/RZxuapIEyg
— Liam Blutman (@Blutman27) January 30, 2025
Speaking to GQ for a profile about Orlovsky, his NFL live co-stars Mina Kimes and Marcus Spears had some truly hilarious takes about the culinary insanity of their colleague, with Kimes pointing out that he only eats “tan food,” and Spears saying that a home-cooked meal from his native Louisiana would kill Orlovsky “on sight.”
“It’s really like, tan food. He only eats the color tan. We were at a party in Kansas City for the draft. There was a buffet situation. I watched him grab five fruit tarts and scoop the fruit out of all of them. I’d never seen anything like it,” Kimes said.
“The food is bad, man,” Spears added. “Stupid. I’m from Louisiana and, obviously, I like to eat. This dude is the polar opposite of what I think food should be.”
You know the phrase “He’s invited to the cookout?” Orlovsky may be the living embodiment of the opposite of that idea.