The 2016 U.S. Olympic Team Battles The Dream Team In This Incredible First Trailer For NBA 2K17

The peeps in the NBA 2K17 marketing department are currently deepthroating our patriotic boners and tenderly caressing our nationalistic nuts by releasing the first footage of this year’s game today.

The trailer features a game between the 1992 Dream Team and the current U.S.A. Olympic squad and while it’s a fruitless endeavor to speculate the outcome, let’s take a look at some superficial stats.

The Dream Team sailed to an Olympic gold medal, as the average margin of victory for the eight games played hovered upwards of 44 points. In those eight games, Chuck Daly didn’t call one timeout. Not one. In the two games played so far for the current national team, the Americans have averaged an average margin of victory of 51 points. Of course this is comparing apples and oranges, but both of those fruits are pretty fucking good.

As far as the graphics, they look pretty damn realistic. That looks vaguely familiar. Cough, cough Draymond.

olympic

Durant’s spaghetti arms: Check!

durant

Someone explain to me why Coach K’s face is flatter than my wallet…

coach k

Surely, MJ was more vascular and defined than this…

jordan 2

Regardless of the petty faults, I plan on quitting my job and playing this until I’m 30.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.