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“Can you feel that? Ah, shit. Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah!”
That’s right, motherfuckers, tuck your tails and run because Brady’s Daddy a.k.a. The Sheriff(‘s younger brother) a.k.a. the Dumb Faced Gawd a.k.a. Patriot Kryptonite a.k.a. the Uncoordinated Killa a.k.a. Eli fucking Manning has been named as the New York Giants starting quarterback for Big Blue’s upcoming shit show of a Monday Night Football game against the Philadelphia Eagles.
Speaking to reporters on Wednesday morning, New York Giants head coach and dead-man-walking Pat Shurmur announced that the two-time Super Bowl winning quarterback is “very likely” to start Monday night against the Philadelphia Eagles as rookie QB Daniel Jones nurses a high ankle sprain.
With Eli Manning’s NFL future in serious doubt, seeing the ole’ wacky-inflatable-tube man of professional football suit up for one last showdown with his I-95 rivals is simply a football fans dream. A hugely awful Monday Night Football game between two floundering NFC East rivals just became must-watch television. I don’t know what the line is or where the game is being played (Editor’s Note: I Googled it – the game is in Philly and the Birds are favored by 9.5) but I do know this: I’m hammering Eli Manning in what could be his swan song.
Because for all of his faults, Eli is a man for the big occasions, and what bigger occasion could there be than potentially the final start of this borderline Hall of Fame career. All we can do now is hope the King leaves us with one more everlasting Manning Face before he stumbles off into the sunset.
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Eric is a New York City-based writer who still isn’t quite sure how he’s allowed to have this much fun for a living and will tell anyone who listens that Gotham City is canonically in New Jersey. Follow him on Twitter @eric_ital for movie and soccer takes or contact him eric@brobible.com