Golf Course Still Can’t Figure Out Who Has Been Taking A Dump In Random Holes For The Past 10 Years

A groundskeeper at a golf course in Norway has a problem much bigger than groundhogs and crab grass. Someone has been taking shits in random holes for the last ten years and the poopitrator STILL hasn’t been caught.

He does, however, have one clue — he can completely eliminate anyone from the female sex from being the culprit because the dumps are way too massive.

“He has a couple of favorite holes,”groundskeeper Kenneth Tennfjord told the Rogaland Avis newspaper. “And we know it is a man because the poos are too massive to be from a woman. Our idea is that it could be someone who, for unknown reasons, hates the game of golf. Alternatively, the person may have a fetish or suffer from mental problems”

Or maybe he’s just on a very high fiber diet? But the fact that it “can’t be a woman” because of the size of the shits is ridiculous. I can think of more than a few woman who probably drop chunks the size of a Prius into the throne all day, every day.

In a valiant effort to stop the fecal assailant, the club invested in a high-powered, automatic spotlight system. You would think this would be enough, wouldn’t you? However, the determined do-do dropper foiled the system and continued his reign of turdy terror.

When would a spotlight ever stop someone from taking a shit? I’d love a spotlight on me in the bathroom before, during and after one of my bowl-rockers.

In related news, I also took a shit on a golf course this weekend but it was my golf game and not the kind that comes out of my ass.

[via Smashing Life]

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Chris Illuminati is a 5-time published author and recovering a**hole who writes about running, parenting, and professional wrestling.