Joel Embiid Must Start Guzzling Mountain Dew Ice At Halftime To Prevent Getting Gassed Late In Games

Ben Gabbe/Getty Images for Mountain Dew

Congratulations to Joel Embiid for overcoming a “migraine and diarrhea” to average 30.3 points, 13.8 rebounds and 1.3 blocks per contest over the last four games. The All-Star center’s 806 points, 402 rebounds and 56 blocks through the first 30 games are stats that no player has sniffed since Shaq posted those monster numbers 19 years ago.

Despite MVP conversation type numbers, Embiid has garnered some criticism for fading away late in the game, no thanks to his perceived poor conditioning. He looked gassed in last season’s playoff series against the Celtics and analyst Jalen Rose pointed out that he’s doing a lot of drifting in the second half of games.

It sounds like the seven footer needs to slurp down a Mountain Dew at halftime to get jacked up enough to perform to MVP levels.

Embiid is already a spokesman for the cola that almost caused Ricky Bobby’s shithead son to assault his poor grandfather. Recently, Embiid teamed up with internet personality and actor King Bach to showcase the brand’s newest fizzy pop called MTN DEW ICE — a translucent, carbonated, lemon-lime soda with a splash of real juice. The clear beverage contains caffeine, which very few citrus sodas possess.

Check out the spot below, that will also broadcast during the Philadelphia 76ers Christmas Day game at Boston on ABC.

Embiid and his off-the-wall personality is going to provide so much entertainment for NBA fans over the next decade.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.