An Inactive Kobe Bryant Dapping Up Dirk Nowitzki After Hitting A Game-Winner Is Exactly Why I Can’t Stand Kobe Bryant

Here is it! The perfect microcosm for why I could never fully appreciate Kobe Bryant. In video form. For me to show my kids and pass on a lineage of Kobe hating. I want their blood to boil when they hear his name. I want them to burn his jersey every year on his birthday.

At first I thought I was being petty–blaming him for stealing a championship from my Celtics back in 2010. Blaming him for that puckering, lip-lick thing he constantly does in interviews. That shit is nauseating. Scoffing at him for always deferring blame to his teammates and framing it under the vail of “ruthless leader.” Oh and the whole alleged sexual assault thing didn’t make put up his poster in my room.

But now I know that it isn’t one thing, it a fruit smoothie of douchebaggery. And no one video can portray it better than the one above.

When I first heard that Kobe dapped up Dirk after hitting a game winner against his squad, I thought ‘hey that’s not very Kobe like.’

Then when I heard he was inactive because his should-retire-immediately body needed a rest, it all made sense. THIS IS SO KOBE. If he’s not manning the ship, he’s taking himself out of the equation entirely. It’s classic ‘me not we’ Kobe. Cheating on his teammates in plain sight and not even buying them a $4 mill diamond ring to bury the hatchet. And you could make a solid argument around him needing to be so self-indulgent to win five titles, but fuck man, how bout a little uncontrived graciousness every one in a while.

I’m not really in touch with my feelings but I’m fairly certain this is a look of relief. “Phew, my team’s 9-38. Love my life.” Fuck outta heah.

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P.S. If you think I’m the only one who feels this way, you’re crazy.

[h/t Uproxx]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.