LaVar Ball Once Heroically Carried All Three Sons Out Of A Gym At Once After Pickup Player Opened Fire Following A Hard Foul

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[30 for 30 voice]: What if I told you LaVar Ball saved the lives of his three young sons and managed to go a decade without bragging about it to every media outlet in existence?

You’d call bullshit, right? Me too. But LaVar Ball is the content mill that keeps on giving.

In a LaMelo Ball profile by Bleacher Report’s Mirin Fader titled The Life of LaMelo (highly recommended if you’re interested in LaMelo Ball The Person rather than The Spectacle), the 18-year-old recalled his father turning into Superman during a pickup-game that nearly devolved into that scene from White Men Can’t Jump.

LaMelo remembers one afternoon in a gym in a rough neighborhood in Los Angeles when he was four. He remembers shooting off to the side with LaVar while Lonzo and Gelo were playing pickup with grown men. Someone fouled hard, and a verbal altercation broke out. “All right! All right! I’mma be back!” one man threatened.

He did come back. He slid through the back door with a black hoodie on, carrying a gun. “Shot the whole gym up,” LaMelo says. “Pop pop pop pop.” He remembers how in a split second, his feet dangled in the air, his tiny body sheltered by his father’s stomach. LaVar had scooped him, Lonzo and Gelo up in his arms, somehow carrying all three while running, running so hard, out of the gym.

All LaVar had to do to muster the courage to snatch all three of his children in his arms through gunfire is just pretend that they were briefcases full of money.

I kid. Kind of.

[h/t Bleacher Report]


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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.