OK BOOMER! Old Man Sitting Courtside Busted Recording Auburn Cheerleader Dancing Up Close

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I have a general theory that people spend their lives seeking approval of others and abiding by the unspoken societal laws. Then, on their 65th birthday, they wake up, piss all over the toilet seat, mutter a conspiracy theory under their breath, and live their finals years with a proverbial double middle finger raised to the world.

I have collected data points for this theory over many years, with the most notable argument being my grandfather calling my aunt a cunt for refusing to give him, an alcoholic, another stiffy vodka drink.

But arguably no evidence proves my point more clearly than this horny old man filming an Auburn cheerleader bouncing around 8 inches from his face during Auburn’s opening basketball game against Georgia Southern.


The most surprising this about this video isn’t that this old hornball managed to live 70 years without ending up in the slammer, but it’s that he is capable of navigating an iPhone.

Hopefully that phone has enough juice for gramps to pop a few blues pills and whack it like the Summer of ’52.


Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.