We Took Patrick Bateman’s 3-Hour Workout From The ‘American Psycho’ Book And Made It Less Slightly Psychotic
Patrick Bateman was a damn good looking man. Christian Bale nailed that character. In the book Bateman is self absorbed, obsessed with himself, and is proficient at chopping women or men into pieces.
He’s a real piece of work.
Bateman was also obsessed with looking damn good. We know that through his skin care routine, his diet, and his workout routine. His workout routine, for all those wondering, is no fucking joke. You can find it on page 69, of if you’re lazy as hell just read directly below.
Stairmaster 20 minutes
Leg machines 5×10
Back machine 5×10
Weighted crunch 6×15
Bicep curl 7×10
20 minutes exercise bike
Leg extension 3×15
Leg curl 3×15
Leg press 3×15
Barbell curls 3×20
Rear delt flyes 3×20
Lat pulldowns 3×20
Cable rows 3×20
Bent over barbell rows 3×20
Incline bench 3×20
Lateral raise 3×20
Dumbbell press 3×20
Close grip bench 3×20
Cable pushdowns 3×20
Stretching exercises to cool down
All of that in one day. Good thing Bateman is rich and doesn’t give a shit about his job, because his workout has to take somewhere close to 3 hours to complete.
Bateman’s workout is extensive, and he leaves no body part unturned. But taking a closer look at it, here are some things Bateman, or you bros, could change to make the workout a bit more effective.
- Change up the cardio.
Cardio itself isn’t inherently evil. There’s no reason for Bateman to do the Stairmaster, some machines, and then the bike though. That’s just overkill. Knock it all out at once. To Bateman’s credit, he does mention the Stairmaster was open, so he had to jump on it.
- Cut down the volume on the machines, man.
Bateman was all about those machines to start his workout. 6 sets of crunches? 5 sets of machines for legs? 7 sets of bicep curls? You look damn good Bateman, but let yourself recover just a bit. If you love those machines, so be it. Just cut down the volume by half, and you’d be better off.
- Less is more with free weights.
Bateman, you really don’t need to do 3 sets of the leg extensions and curls. Especially following the leg machines, Stairmaster, and bike. Instead, you could just squat and deadlift. You’d save a ton of time, burn plenty more calories.
And more bicep curls? Are you kidding me? Your biceps are 1/3 of your arm, and Bateman treats them like the only thing there. Triceps get a minimal amount of love at the end. Start doing more tricep work, and do way less bicep work to get arms that fill out your dress shirts.
- Deadlifts to start a workout.
Deadlifts are exhausting. They’re also one of the best exercises known to man, and have an awesome story behind their name.
They work damn near every single muscle, and especially the entire posterior chain. Because of that, they should be done when fatigue is minimal. Like the beginning of a workout. Not after 2 hours of cardio and weights.
- Focus on some strength and growth, man.
As I was reading Bateman’s workout what really jumped out to me was how badly Bateman needed to get away from the 15-20 rep range. Endurance clearly isn’t an issue for Bateman, and that’s all he’s really training with that rep range.
Bateman would be better off by dropping the deadlifts down to 6-8 reps, going heavier, and focusing more on strength.
He’d also get more benefit by making the lat pull downs, bench press, and rowing exercises more growth focused by using a rep range of 8-12 reps and upping the weight. This would help Bateman get a better V shaped torso, by making his shoulders, chest, and back broader.
- What the hell is up with only using the ab machine?
Bateman made a classic mistake in training abs, by only using the machine crunch. Sure, using weights to train abs is a good thing, but not if you’re only doing crunches.
Bateman should’ve worked in some leg raises, ab wheel roll outs, suitcase carries for his obliques, and some RKC style planks.
- Not enough transverse plane movement.
This is a classic mistake that Bateman, and many other people make. Essentially, Bateman could’ve managed to get in some more transverse plane movement into his workouts.
When thinking transverse plane, think twisting. Working this plane can help overall strength, decrease injury risk, and has a high “functional” element. Bateman could’ve added in medicine ball throws against a wall, rotational lunges, or some tennis/racquetball.