Patriots Fans Violently Brawling With Each Other At The Super Bowl Parade Should Delight The Rest Of The Nation
New Englanders are currently the most despised people in America. Nobody who pronounces their R’s and thinks Dunkin’ Donuts coffee tastes like a hobo’s taint thinks that the region is deserving of the success its enjoyed over the past two decades. Over the past 18 years, Bostonians have only gone without a championship in the four major sports eight times, never going more than two years without hanging a banner. Oh, the suffering.
I was born and raised in Massachusetts and a big part of me hates me for it too, because I am unworthy for a credit line increase, never mind title every time the weather changes.
I know that many of you want to Boston to burn to the ground and don’t want to be reminded that if it weren’t for us good people during the American Revolution, we’d all be eating porridge and calling our friends ‘mates.’
So, I’d like to extend you all an olive branch and present to you this video of Bostonians beating the piss out of each other during the Patriots Super Bowl parade.
I want you to promise me something, stranger.
If I ever get pile driven under the bumper of a car to the point of unconsciousness, assemble all my loved ones in a circle and make them write out prepared statements of worry. It’s time for an intervention.