5 Things I Learned About The Rob Gronkowski Erotica Author

Over the weekend we became aware of a 38-page piece of literotica titled  A Gronking to Remember: Book One In the Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series, the fictional tale of one lady’s quest to bed the New England Patriots tight end.

The work is interesting for a few reasons. First of all, no one asked for it. There was certainly no demand requiring supply. And secondly, it seems like there should be plenty of real-life Gronkowski sex stories out there. Hell, some of the guy’s best friends are legitimate porn stars.

Those facts withstanding, the salacious bit of prose has sparked plenty of interest. Slate did some good old-fashioned shoeleather reporting yesterday to get the author for a GChat interview.

Here are few of the most titillating revelations.

Lacey Noonan isn’t her real name


She is a Patriots fan

But by default because she lives in New England. Perhaps a sexytime book about Bill Belichick is next.

Noonan once wrote a book about a sexual encounter between Flo from Progressive, Wendy from Wendy’s and Jan from Toyota

We don’t know why, but we’re sort of into that.

Rob Gronkowski’s finishing move, according to the book, is spiking a football into a girl’s butt

Noonan:  It’s hard to remember exactly how it evolved. I think I just started writing it and let it go where it wanted to. I just started writing about a woman watching Gronkowski go berserk on TV. There wasn’t much plot to that, so then I added the husband. About the ending, though: I just felt the ending needed some “oomph.” It’s surreal, and just takes it to the level of impossible fantasy. I think I should also say that the ball doesn’t exactly go into her “butt.”

We’re going to steal that.

She hopes the real Gronkowski enjoys the book

Because she sure had fun writing it.

There you go. If a 38-piece of Rob Gronkowski erotica is something you’d like to read, you can buy the book right here.

This is a judgement-free zone.

[H/T: Slate]