This Shaquille O’Neal Statue They’re Building Outside The Staples Center May Be The Sickest I’ve Ever Seen

The success one must reach to get his own statue outside a professional sports stadium is one way to live forever. When the aliens finally decide to exterminate us humans from the planet, the statues will remain and little alien children will learn about the men behind the statues in their little alien schools or whatever. We call that immortality.

No one in the present day sports realm deserves that honor as much as 4-time NBA Champion, 3-time Finals MVP, 15-time All-Star Shaquille O’Neal. Hell, I was ready to give him a statue after Kazaam.

The 7’1” walking Legend appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live on Wednesday night to talk about his odd sleeping patterns and his eventual Hall-of-Fame induction. Jimmy also teamed up with the Los Angeles Lakers to unveil a statue that will be constructed outside the Staples Center starting next season.

Watch it all go down here.

Here is Shaq’s stone-faced (see what I did there? Shut up, Matt) reaction to the good news.

Lakers President Jeanie Buss released a statement confirming the installation:

“We look forward to having Shaq join the other legends who have been honored with statues at STAPLES Center. He is a giant not only in size, but also in stature and in what he accomplished as a Laker. Shaq literally broke the ground for the site, and was hugely responsible for not only getting STAPLES Center built, but for making it one of the most successful and famous arenas in the world. It’s an honor that is well deserved.”

I’ve seen a respectable amount of filthy statues in my 28 years on this planet (namely Jordan outside the United Center, Bobby Orr outside Boston’s TD Garden, Ted Williams outside Fenway, Magic outside Staples Center), but a statue that hangs 10 feet in the air? The fact that everyone who walks through those doors are getting dunked on with Shaq’s balls dripping in their faces is something any man can hang his hat on.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.