I would honestly rather be George Zimmerman walking around inner-city Chicago than a soccer ref for these D-league soccer matches. It’s basically a passive-aggressive suicide attempt. Pretty sure you have to sign a form that says you’re cool with taking face full of fist or a dropkick to the sternum before they even hand you a whistle. “Ya and this form just means you’re okay with dying for this meaningless soccer match between jerkoffs who won’t let the dream go. Just initial the top and bottom, kthanks.” What fucking division is this? Why does anyone even bother to film a game of scrubs playing in unnecessarily legit uniforms? Because people go fucking ballistic when things don’t go their way. If my landlord ever kicks me out of my place for not paying May rent or for having aggressively loud sex and I become homeless, I’m moving to South America and just posting up at one of these soccer fields with a bottle of Josè Cuervo. Warm weather and endless entertainment. Not the soccer part, but the part when some dude gets walloped so hard he has to eat through a straw.
When you aren’t a strong swimmer but attempt a dive at a pool party to impress your crush…
When your boy’s hooking up with a girl in the other room at a party and you start hearing moans through the door…
[h/t Barstool]