South Carolina’s Football Team Went To Fort Jackson For Some Military Conditioning And I’d Be Dead

by 2 years ago

If I participated in this activity, my gravestone would read:

Here Lies TJ King
1993 – 2016
He Tried To Impress The Members Of Our Military, May Have Pooped His Pants Immediately After His Heart Exploded

If I was a member of this team, I would have gone full Boobie Miles from Friday Night Lights in under five seconds. “I ain’t here to sacrifice my life for this country, I’m here to play football!!” Granted, I would have had the same experience Boobie did i.e. putting all my eggs in the professional career basket and then hurling said basket out a 10th story window by having no backup plan. Listen, I’m all for camaraderie and experiencing the importance of male bonding firsthand, but I think I could maybe do one of those activities before my entire body turned into jell-o and melted into a hot puddle at the feet of the military officers. “Is that all you got, boy?” “Yes sir, I have literally turned into a puddle of hot, gelatinous sludge. May I be excused. I have to go figure out how to clean out my locker without any arms or legs.”


The Internet Freaks Out Over FSU Sorority Girl Flag Football
TAGSCollege FootballGamecocksSouth CarolinaSports

Join The Discussion