‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin Talking About Playing QB For The Cowboys Is The Best Thing You’ll Read Today

by 3 years ago
steve austin quarterback dallas cowboys

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Leave it to the Texas rattlesnake “Stone Cold” Steve Austin to have the best take on the Dallas Cowboys pitiful quarterback situation with being Tony Romo injured.

According to the former WWE World Heavyweight Champ he thinks he could probably do as well as Matt Cassel and Brandon Weeden have done. Hell, he could probably even do better.

Austin tells the Dallas Morning News

“I tell you what, I got some time on my hands. I could be there Sunday, playing the Philadelphia Eagles. I think I can line ’em up, throw for about 300, 400 yards. Get (Jason) Witten open, get Dez (Bryant) working. A lot of underneath routes. Give (Darren) McFadden the ball a few times. Maybe do a little end-around, fake the reverse pitchout, let me run downfield and Darren can throw me the ball. About 60 yards out, catch it in full stride and boom, spike it over the damn goalpost. … Y’all saw me catch all those beers all those years — damn-near never dropped any of them. You know how much money I could have made playing professional football as a tight end? But I can’t jump and I can’t run fast. That was my problem.”

Awesome. And he’s right about those beers.

Austin also had thoughts on Dez Bryant and his pet monkey and whether he would ever own one…

“No, man, monkeys freak me out. The stories about those — what are those big-ass, what are those, orangutans? The destruction they cause those people, the one that bit the lady’s hands off? You heard the story. … They scare the hell out of me. I don’t even care if it’s a little, bitty monkey. If that thing decides to go crazy, the damage — when those things bite, they go for all the vital parts. A little cute monkey trying to scratch your eyes out. I’m telling you, take my word for it, if you ever pet a monkey, wear your goggles.”

Never change, “Stone Cold,” never change.

Unrelated, but totally related: How much would you pay to see Austin give the “Stone Cold Stunner” to Jerry Jones?

Check out the entire interview here. It’s a classic.


Now Watch This Jabroni Take A 59 MPH Baseball To The Nuts

TAGSDallas CowboysNFLSteve AustinTony RomoWWE