Tom Brady Walks Out Of Press Conference When Asked About Trump’s ‘Locker Room Talk’

Tom Brady once called Donald Trump a “good friend of mine.” He said he’s known him ever since he judged a beauty pageant for Trump 15 years ago and Trump’s always been supportive of Brady’s career. The two have been golfing together and Brady’s expressed his admiration for Trump’s career diversity–from businessman to TV star, and now politician.

Ever since that omission, Brady has been incessantly asked to speak for his friend at every turn. The media is quick to label Brady a ‘Trump Supporter’ because it’s got a divisive ring to it and it’s technically not wrong, but the bottom line is Tom Brady probably doesn’t give a fuck who wins the election. He’s worth half a billion dollars, married to the most famous supermodel in this planet’s history, and is only focused on acquiring one more Lombardi trophy in the inevitable twilight of his career. Twenty bucks says he’s not even registered to vote.

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Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.