These Touchdown Celebrations From China’s Football League Will Make You Not Want To Watch The NFL

I know I’m preaching to the choir here when I say that the NFL has gone full baby back bitch with its oppression in all phases of the game. Mark my words, in the year 2030, each player will have his  heart rate monitored during the game and if it jumps after he scores a touchdown, they will get flagged. Don’t believe me, just look at the trends.

Vernon Davis flagged for shooting a fucking free throw.

Ok, Earl Thomas humping the refs leg was weird. Please disregard this one.

Andre Hawkins is the voice of us all after cleverly mocking the strict NFL TD celebration rule by turning into a robot.

See all that shit? All those unwarranted flags? They don’t exist over in China’s American Indoor Football League (CAFL). If you don’t celebrate on a score, or even a good play for that matter, I’m pretty sure you’re executed. Every year, the CAFL holds their championship game, the China Bowl. And the championship game brought out the championship celebrations.

The theater. The showmanship. Maybe I’ll become a Beijing Lions fan.

Ok, Just kidding.

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.