Heading into Week 14 of the NFL season we were treated to an interesting mix of highs and lows. First and foremost, we had Antonio Brown, at long last, finally ending the season-long drama with a lengthy apology that, gasp, might’ve been sincere?
Great, it only took 14 weeks.
Then, of course, we got word of the triumphant return of Eli Manning for MNF against the Eagles in Philly. All positive vibes!
Except, well, except for Odell Beckham Jr., who viciously snatched the baton from AB and shouted “my turn!”
Eh, these were just unsubstantiated rumors swirling around though, right?
Then again, the dude didn’t even bother to join the Browns huddle in the clip above. OBJ is so freakin’ checked out at this point it’s unbelievable but entirely believable.
What. A. Mess. And so surprising!
However, above all else, it was the NFL’s annual #MyCauseMyCleats weekend that allowed players to “wear their hearts on their feet” to represent a variety of causes and ever since its inception it’s always been impressively executed. There’s a ton of great stuff to see just by searching #MyCauseMyCleats on Instagram and Twitter, like this incredibly detailed effort by Bears DT Nick Williams and Chicago artist Marvin Baroota.
But enough of that greatness for now because, once again, it’s time to hop in the clown car and take a lengthy look at what we saw off the field during Week 14.
So Kirk, how does it feel following a 20-7 win over the Lions and remaining firmly in the playoff hunt at 9-4?
It never fails. The guy does a 12-minute press conference with reporters and THAT’S the screenshot the Vikings official Twitter account chose to use.
Social Media Dude: “What about the time he smiled, guys? Let’s use that one.”
Social Media Dude #2: “No, no, no, let’s go with the one where he looks like a caveman who only speaks when someone throws a rock at him.”
Social Media Dude: “Brilliant!”
Very much agreed. Brilliant.
The Patriots lost to the Chiefs in a bizarrely officiated game, so it was hard to expect much from Brady at the podium. To be honest, going with a white sweatshirt almost feels like he went above and beyond.
Now imagine if the Pats somehow lose to the Bengals next week? Kinda feel like TB12 should be forced to stroll up to the podium wearing clown makeup and waving a white flag.
Jimmy GQ, putting his former mentor to shame with each passing week. There’s still time — although not much — to wake up and return to top fashion form, Tommy. But it’s more than fine to keep this whole losing thing going. In fact, the nation implores you to do so.
One of the greatest off the field stories of the season has to be Baker Mayfield before a game versus Baker Mayfield after a game. He almost always looks like he’s explaining an undercover operation where everything went terribly wrong and will soon be reduced to desk duty. It’s become so consistent it kinda hurts, but not really.
George Kittle in Gucci? What the… what? This is like Stone Cold Steve Austin wearing a tuxedo to a Monster Truck Show.
After being frozen in carbonite since his Week 2 performance against the Bills, Eli Manning has emerged once again and not a single thing has changed. It’s as if in his always-stress-the-positive mind, it’s Week 3 against the Eagles and he’s determined to get that W. May he never, ever retire.
UPDATE: Eli did not get the W in the game, but he got the W in our hearts.
I’m about hands-free everything, but this? This is where I draw the line. I get disinvited to Christmas if I show up in this kinda crap.
What’s it gonna take for Aaron Rodgers to not look like a guy who just witnessed someone kick a puppy? It’s almost as if he knows his 10-3 Packers are by far the most fraudulent 10-3 team in the NFC and they’re dooooomed once the playoffs roll around.
I mean, seriously, lighten up, Francis.
Now that’s the spirit! Gerald McCoy in an outrageous gold Gucci suit complemented by gold chains, a gold watch, and a gold bracelet with the caption “Living my life like it’s golden.” Everyone should be taking cues from Gerald McCoy. The dude just gets it. (Make sure to scroll over to the last photo in the gallery to see the back of his jacket. Glorious touch.)
Despite playing for Jason Garrett in a frustrating season that feels like it’s been going on for 183 years, Dak still shows up looking like a dapper franchise QB even though he probably wants to — and should — challenge Garrett to a “No DQ cage match.”
Hollywood Brown always gets it right and there’s no other rookie you can say that about. Also gotta love that 15 lb. Sooners chain that apparently always goes wherever Hollywood goes.
Stefon Diggs doesn’t take it quite as far as DeAndre does but he’s getting close in all the right ways. That jacket looks like it was transformed from the most comfortable blanket in the world into top-shelf winter menswear that sure as hell better under the tree come Christmas morning.
Speaking of DeAndre, if there isn’t something, anything, that isn’t fluorescent somewhere in his ensemble, something has gone terribly awry. By his standards, though, the whole thing is pretty tame, as were the Texans, who got embarrassed at home by the Broncos — yes, the BRONCOS — by a score of 38-24 exactly one week after beating the Patriots. What a league.
Travis Kelce’s jacket officially takes 2nd place to the one Stefon Digs was wearing.
Since we’re here, it must be noted just how odd it is to see “KillaTrav” in an extremely safe, tie + dress pants getup. Feels completely out of place for a guy who can often be seen with a WWE Championship belt proudly slung over his shoulder.
Just when we thought Josh Allen’s signature “just been slapped with shocking allegations” face was gone, he pulls us right back in. Good to have ya’ back, buddy.
Josh was also joined by head coach Sean McDermott, who appears equally surprised and speechless, which makes me start to wonder just what the hell is going on in the Bills press room.
Christian McCaffrey’s new album cover will mark the shocking relaunch of Death Row Records.
Our buddy Mitch was kind enough to turn down the volume on his suit this week and I’m exceedingly grateful for him being so considerate of our collective eyeballs. Because last week was just way, way outta hand, Mitchell.
Sammy Darnold, as we’ve become so accustomed to, was lookin’ sharp, focused and ready to dominate the game of football. Confidence just oozes right out of that video to the point it’s contagious.
Devin McCourty, still owning the t-shirt game, this time with a classic purple Urkel tee. I can’t say enough about how enjoyable it is that McCourty has zero interest in getting all dressed up to walk into a football stadium and eventually speak with members of the press.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I love Derrick Henry’s Titans windbreaker. It’s a super clean look that’s surprisingly not overdone and makes for a perfect match with those timeless Jordan 11s.
If you played for the Jets is there anything you’d wear OTHER than camo head to toe? The answer is no. No, you would not. Well done, Jamison. Self-awareness is a crucial trait.
Fear of Gods for the flight and a simple changeup in footwear for the pregame stroll on the field. This guy has been putting on a Nike shoe show seemingly every single week.
The Texans Linebackers
Another week, another outstanding collaboration by the Texans linebackers. A tribute to Vince Vaughn’s aka Peter LaFleur’s “Average Joe’s” in Dodgeball? YES, please. No one in the NFL appreciates pop culture more than this group of guys.
The 49ers rookie who seems to become more of a factor each week already has a No. 19 chain that weighs more than most kickers. Curious as to what that thing looks like once he inevitably signs his first long-term deal with a ton of cash upfront.
Drew Lock & Chris Harris Jr.
Drew Lock and Chris Harris Jr. look like they’ve just graduated from something and both of their families have requested they stop so they can take some pictures.
SIDENOTE: I really wanna know what was said to Harris to cause that kind of smile. Amazing.
Shaq Thompson signed his contract extension over the weekend in a Tom & Jerry hoodie. God bless this man.
Niners inside linebacker Kwon Alexander has been out for the season since Week 9 — a crushing blow to their defense — but rules are rules and when you wear an Allen Iverson SLAM Magazine shirt, you’re always part of the party.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Probably best not to talk shit to Kwon when he’s posting nothing but positivity about his injury progress on Instagram. #HereToHelp
Oh, it’s clear. I just hope the very great “dba.ij1” got the message too.
Diontae Spencer & Kareem Jackson
Sorry Kareem, but Diontae Spencer wins this round in this spirited battle of the plaid.
Joe Looney (center) opted to be clothed this week instead of showing off his natural Christmas sweater, so let’s all be deeply thankful for that.
Texans safety Justin Reid put it all together. Check out that electrifying jacket! But I’m starting to wonder if this team is putting too much emphasis on what they’re wearing and not enough emphasis on, ya’ know, football and stuff.
With that said about Justin Reid, I will never object to the 6’5, 315 lb. Laremy Tunsil — the Texans star left tackle — going all-in with shit like this. What a treasure.
A week after basically wearing a “bathrobe suit” with the only thing missing being a champagne glass, Kenny Stills delivers his first clunker of the season, at least by his lofty standards.
Rookie Mecole Hardman has managed to haul in six TDs — including one against the Pats Sunday night — despite a multitude of options at Patrick Mahomes’ disposal, but I think it’s pretty clear why he’s been included: This 21-year-old is a GOLDEN GOD.
The tweet says “We competed down to the last play” but I think what it meant to say was “Please go fuck your own face. Next question.”
I’ve placed this photo here simply to ask one question: Is Jerome Bettis wearing Sneaker Slippers? Because I’m pretty sure he is and I’m pretty sure it’s hilarious.
The Big Show in a Joe Namath jersey! I have no doubt in my mind this is the largest NFL jersey ever made, as this man stands SEVEN feet tall and weighs almost 400 pounds.
The Dolphins need to be credited with something for the week, so we’ll go with this extremely artistic photo of defensive back Walt Aikens, who has ONE pass defended in 12 games played. It’s so, sooo VERY Dolphins to do something cool but end up using a player that no one knows a damn thing about. Great work!