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THE HEADLINES
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CLOSING TIME
Don’t freak out, but the federal government shut down at 12:01 AM on Saturday. The House pushed through a proposed band aid budget extension on Thursday evening but the bill failed to get enough votes on the Senate floor late Friday evening.
Does this mean I don’t have to adhere to Federal laws?
No, you anarchist, it does not. Laws will still be enforced, as will taxes. The armed forces will continue to do their damn thing (because ‘Merica) as will the TSA and Independent Agencies funded via fines (think: courts) or fees (think: financial regulators). But National Parks will close this week, so that trip to Jellystone will have to wait. And your neighbor Marty, the Department of Interior accountant, will have some unpaid PTO.
Why does this keep happening?
It’s not you … it’s them. The government continues to propose short-term budget “stop-gaps” that will fund the government for a month or so at a time. Why? Because, politics. Each party hopes to use the budget as leverage and/or to fund certain items the other side DGAF about.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “How angry would you be if you planned a trip to the land of the free and the home of the brave and every monument in Washington was shut down during your trip? This is nothing short of a national embarrassment.”
WE ARE THE WORLD
Coca-Cola plans to recycle 100% of the packaging it produces by 2030. CEO James Quincey noted “Consumers around the world care about the planet.” Good observation, Quincey.
It won’t be an easy undertaking. Coca-Cola sells 1.9B servings every day. That’s a lot of nickels.
Pepsi’s biggest competitor is also vowing to develop plant based packaging and to advocate for keeping mother earth healthy. By 2030 it hopes that its packaging consists of 50% recycled material.
A little late to the party?
Competitors and global warmers alike have been making this push for some time. On Tuesday, McDonalds made their own go-green announcement. Danone followed suit on Thursday. PepsiCo? They made their proclamation last year, and set a date for reducing its carbon footprint 5 years earlier than Coke. Better late than never?
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Somebody should come up with a banana peel based packaging system. It’s biodegradable AND imagine the outtakes!”
ALL SYSTEMS GO
More than a year later than they initially planned, Amazon is ready to unleash its cashier-less Amazon Go stores on the perpetually rain-soaked citizens of Seattle. The goal for Amazon Go locations is to essentially act like a 7-11 without cashiers having to halfheartedly tell people to have a nice day … because there are no cashiers.
In Amazon Go locations, customers are tracked from the moment they enter the store by cameras, which Amazon claims do not use facial recognition (yeah, ok …). Customers are tracked via an app, and are able to make purchases with their phone camera.
Amazon says that the delays were not tech related, but rather due to the erratic shopping behaviors of some customers. That’s right, you being weird at the grocery store broke Amazon. Good going.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “I’m pretty excited for these to roll out in Boston. Getting a coffee at Cumberland Farms every morning has become a cesspool of small talk that I would gladly do without before 8 AM.”
IN OTHER NEWS
- Amazon will increase the cost of Prime if purchased monthly. The price for annual subscriptions will remain the same. Who knew you could purchase Prime monthly?
- LuLaRoe, your mom’s favorite leggings manufacturer is facing lawsuits claiming it is a pyramid scheme.
- Facebook plans to fight fake news by ranking the quality of sources. Luckily Russian hackers don’t read the news and will have no idea that they need to sway user evaluations to reach the masses.
- In a nightmarish scene, 600 crypto-bros set sail on a Blockchain Cruise and it was just as ridiculous as it sounds.
- Facebook hires the the head of Eurosport, Peter Hutton, to lead its live sports streaming efforts. Why does this interview keep playing out in my head with Hutton stuffing Zuck in a locker?
- US indices were up Friday:
- DOW: +0.21%
- S&P 500: +0.44%
- NASDAQ: +0.55%
TALKING SHOP
Professional motivation, tips, tricks, hacks & resources carefully-curated by yours truly. Something you’d like to see featured? Shoot me an email at team@thewatercoolest.com
THEY’RE GGGREAT!
What better way to counteract that beginning of the week case of Seasonal Affective Disorder than a painfully awkward economist telling you not only why, but how you’re going to fail to have a great career?
His monologue cuts to the core of every “completely competent” person’s argument for NOT having a great career, most notably …
” … there are special people who [have great careers], but they are geniuses. They are Steven Jobs.”
Oh, and …
“I would do this, but, but — well, after all, I’m not weird.”
Plus …
“Mommy and Daddy told me that if I worked hard, I’d have a good career. So, if you work hard and have a good career, if you work really, really, really hard, you’ll have a great career. Doesn’t that, like, mathematically make sense?”