SEC Creates Crypto Website; Macy’s Crushes

by 5 months ago

The Water Coolest

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THE HEADLINES

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MOVE OVER, ONION

The SEC is dipping their toes into the world of satire releasing a website pitching HoweyCoins, a fictional cryptocurrency, with the intention of informing investors of the risk of scams.

The site, which was launched this week during CoinDesk’s Consensus 2018 conference, even includes a nine-page satirical whitepaper. Eventually, if one does choose to invest (read: you are a moron), users are redirected to the real SEC website where they can find further information on cryptocurrency ICO scams.

Jay Clayton, SEC Chairman, issued a statement earlier this year informing investors about the protections being put in place. Of course, no one listened to his advice about the Nigerian prince scam of our generation.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “When the SEC is going out of its way to make jokes about how to protect yourself from an unregulated security, you know you’ve gotten yourself into some potentially shady sh*t.”

 

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET

Looks like business journalists can power down their retail doomsday headline generators (i.e. Retailpocalypse, Retailmaggedon) … for now. Macy’s beat Wall Street expectations, posting double-digit growth from digital sales and trumpeting an uptick in brick and mortar purchases. Overall sales increased 3.6% for Q1.

The home of the “one-day doorbuster sale” claims it’s shifting its strategy away from growing its business by offering deeply discounted slacks to women named Nance. Focusing on in-store experiences (read: VR & AR) has allowed Macy’s to weather the retail storm.

Shares of the retailer were up over 10% today.

Water Cooler Talking Point: “Maybe I don’t want to wait two days for Amazon to deliver a pair of Sperry’s that just scream “I don’t own a boat, but I was definitely in a fraternity.” Maybe I need them now. People like me are why Macy’s and malls still exist. Well, me and Orange Julius.”

 


IN OTHER NEWS

 

  • Amazon will begin offering 10% off of select Whole Foods items for Prime members. Because if there is one thing that people who can afford to shop at Whole Foods deserve, it’s a deeper discount.
  • Early this week we told you that CBS is suing Shari Redstone, the largest shareholder of the media giant, to disallow a proposed merger with Viacom. Ms. Redstone fired back with proposed changes to CBS’ bylaws that would help maintain her majority vote. A judge has frozen any action by either party to prevent any jockeying ahead of a planned hearing.
  • Jeff Bezos, Jamie Dimon, and Warren Buffett are having a hard time finding a candidate willing to take on the CEO role for their proposed healthcare partnership. ABC company, as it is being called, would manage healthcare for a combined 1M employees and will be “free from profit-making incentives.” “So you’re telling me I get to work in the shadow of three of the most prolific CEOs of our time AND I won’t be incentivized to boost the bottom line?”
  • Zuck will face EU parliament to answer questions about Facebook’s Cambridge Analytica data breach. Better late than never, I suppose.
  • Tanium, a computer systems security giant who services many of the world’s top financial institutions and governments landed a $175M investment at a $5B valuation.
  • US indices were down yesterday:
    • DOW: +0.25%
    • S&P 500: +0.41%
    • NASDAQ: +0.63%

 


TAGSAmazon PrimeBusinesscareer adviceCryptocurrencyHoweyCoinsMacy's EarningssecShari RedstoneWhole Foods

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