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THE HEADLINES
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DONNY TRADE TALKS
The President is going all WTF on the WTO (World Trade Organization). Donny Politics lectured the trade agreement to end all trade agreements like Danny Tanner lectures Michelle in the last 30-seconds of a Full House episode. El Presidente warned that the WTO better shape up … or the US will GTFO.
The agreement, established in 1994 was a US-led initiative that includes major economies and outlines trade dispute resolution. The Trump administration’s gripes include the inclusion of China, who was admitted in 2001, and the United States win-loss record. The US lost almost 90% of the cases brought against it. For what it’s worth, countries that bring complaints typically prevail.
But wait, there’s more!
“Sources” (read: snitches) indicate that Trump could impose tariffs on $200B of Chinese goods coming into the US as soon as next week. Markets dropped on the news … obviously.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “The WTO organization sounds a lot like Whose Line Is It Anyway? … everything’s made up and the points don’t matter.”
“ALL SCOOT, SCOOT, GOD DAMN”
D-day has arrived for e-scooter companies in California. After banning the preferred transportation method of edgy tweens for causing a public health crisis, Santa Monica and San Francisco will allow pilot programs to begin … again.
In Santa Monica Bird, Lyft, and Uber-backed Lime and JUMP Bikes got the nod to pilot fleets. While in San Francisco, Skip and Scoot will be the official providers of the mode of urban transportation voted ‘most likely to get you stuffed in a locker.’
David Martin, Santa Monica’s Director of Planning and Community Development (basically Leslie Knope) was initially set to only allow Lyft and JUMP to operate, but protests from Lime and Bird has commenced anarchy in the streets.
At least 8 other companies did not receive permits to operate, so this saga is far from over. Meanwhile, Lyft and Uber continue to expand their two-wheel empires. Lyft recently launched their own squadron of two-wheeled chick magnets, and Uber invested $355M in Lime.
Water Cooler Talking Point: “Taking a scooter to work seems like a great idea until you try to do one trick on your way into the office and end up busting your ankle and bleeding all over your new slacks. I’ll stick to the bus, thanks.”
IN OTHER NEWS
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- Another day, another Latin American financial crisis. Argentina’s central bank hiked rates 60% yesterday to stop the bleeding from a collapsing currency and teetering economy. This is the reason Argentina is crying.
- Stryker, the American Gladiator-sounding med-tech company, will acquire medical device company K2M for $1.4B. Finally, Stryker has a backbone … literally. K2M will be integrated into Stryker’s spinal therapy division.
- Mmm, Mmm, we love a Good proxy battle. Campbell’s plans to sell its international and refrigerated food businesses … and it hasn’t dismissed the idea of an outright sale. The announcement comes as pressure mounts from activist investor Dan Loeb who owns 5.65% of the company. Donovan McNabb presumably owns the remaining 94.35%.
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