Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Oregon Ducks equipment manager should be paid well, I can only imagine what he has to go through with multiple uniform/helmet combinations.
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) October 21, 2013
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I’m sure he’s being paid VERY well. It’s BCS football.
"Okay, how do we make the old chargers obsolete?" – first thing spoken at every Apple meeting about a new product.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 21, 2013
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That’s not even a joke.
Guys… Make one random tackle… And end up on a "Random" steroid test.. Must be my bod #UpperBodyOfAnAdolescent pic.twitter.com/s9B7LrS89Y
— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) October 21, 2013
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Shouldn’t have gone into punter beast mode, Pat.
Hello Detroit @tigers it is Cansecotime! #motorcityseco #Cantiger
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) October 21, 2013
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Oh, God.
Pugs are always out of breath like they just ran from the cops.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 21, 2013
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Maybe they’re in some secret pug gang we don’t know about.
When I was a kid I'm pretty sure I had a T-shirt of Bugs Bunny wearing a backwards hat and leather jacket. The 90's were a weird time.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) October 21, 2013
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Yes, as opposed to now, which is soo normal.
The Mannings clearly can't win on the same week this year.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) October 22, 2013
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That doesn’t bode well for Eli then.
Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait….
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 22, 2013
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I’m sure it was just a coincidence.
Kim Kardashian take shit bigger than Prince Fielder
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 22, 2013
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Not sure what that even means, but it’s funny.
I always want to think I'm above them but the truth is I have no defense mechanisms against catchy pop songs.
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) October 22, 2013
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You’re not alone, Gillian. You’re not alone.
Facebook=FUCKbook. Why? Your page is either full of people u want2bang..people who want to bang you…or people you have banged (4most men)
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) October 22, 2013
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Her Facebook is way different than mine.
iPad air? Oh god apple fuck off already
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 22, 2013
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Right there with you, Chrissy.
If a closed store has a permanent “Open” sign, it should be legal to smash the window and take what you want. If elected, I will make it so.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 22, 2013
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You’ve got my vote.
Leather pants are not for everyone.
— Bill Burr (@billburr) October 22, 2013
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Words to live by.
Had the worst nightmare last night that Josh Freeman started for the Vikings and we lost to the 0-6 Giants……wait….FUCK!!!!!!!
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) October 22, 2013
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Everyone watching MNF had that nightmare.
some things never change when I visit Ft Lauderdale…like an abundance of men in white jeans & rhinestone shirts
— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) October 22, 2013
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It’s called stylin’ and profilin’.
.@Arbys I want 2 fuck you
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 22, 2013
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That’s a compliment, right?
Doctors, are hospitals really like Grey's Anatomy? Please say yes. Please tell me you all sleep together.
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) October 23, 2013
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I believe that they do.
Why do companies put these in sports bras? Boobies are not needed for sweating times. #lessismore pic.twitter.com/Ic01A5k99I
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 23, 2013
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The men in the gym would probably disagree, but I see your point.
Disregard last tweet. We found a good use for the pads…#boysluvboobies pic.twitter.com/GXX7IRBChJ
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 23, 2013
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He was probably tired from running from the cops.
I feel bad that Robert De Niro doesn't have eyes anymore.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 23, 2013
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He is a bit squinty these days.
When people talk on the phone in the elevator it is hard to resist the impulse to ask them to stop or participate in their conversation.
— Jake Johannsen (@Jakethis) October 23, 2013
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Keep this in mind, folks.
It seems like a lot of these new shows are getting the shark-jumping over with in the first episode…
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) October 23, 2013
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A lot or all?
Meriweather suspension reduced by half. In accordance, he will now only hit half the league with his helmet.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) October 23, 2013
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Hasn’t he already done that?
It is so much more rewarding to be kind than it is to be an asshole.
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) October 23, 2013
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Eh, go f**k yourself.
It's such a bummer when someone you know is having a bad day while you're having a great day and you have to ignore them until tomorrow.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) October 23, 2013
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See, Dane agrees with me.
Was there sports tonight? How did the Boston Ball-Hitters do against Louis' Super-Players in the Baseball Cup?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 24, 2013
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The Boston Ball-Hitters?
Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) October 24, 2013
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LOL.
Madden has been a video game for 25 years. I've been a fuckin' dork for THAT long.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) October 24, 2013
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You are far from alone in that regard.
Are you kidding me?? Are we honestly talking about Favre again?!? Seriously? Really? I guess there's no Tebow so why not?
— Jay Glazer (@JayGlazer) October 24, 2013
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Oh God, please don’t even say his name. Either one.
Why is Lady Gaga dressed as a McDonalds hash brown? pic.twitter.com/DIKr6BfhGz
— Rosie Jones (@rosieofthejones) October 24, 2013
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Who the f**k knows.
I like taking forever to send iMessages so those dots pop up & the person thinks I’m writing something long then I just send a snake emoji.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) October 24, 2013
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That is fun.
I don't feel knowledgable enough about food to be on Instagram.
— Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) October 25, 2013
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They should really change it to “Foodstagram.”
Can anyone recommend a good bukake film? Just signed up for Netflix steaming.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 25, 2013
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I don’t think that’s what Netflix is for, but good luck!
A public service announcement. pic.twitter.com/V13jrVkiQ9
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) October 25, 2013
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Have a great weekend, everybody!