A Dude Spent an Hour on Gchat Today Describing the Plot of ‘Stick It’
Last Friday night, I stayed on my couch and watched Stick It. If you haven’t seen it, you should see it, because it’s good. If you have seen it, below is my description of the plot to my friend, Meredith, who has never seen it.
Meredith: just know you said that. and know i know you said that. and know i know you love the movie stick it.
David: its SO good
David: have you not seen it
first off, the soundtrack is amazing
Meredith: that’s first?
also no, i haven’t seen it
David: yes its first off because its amazing
when your epic scene is set to this
you have my heart
Meredith: okay THOUGHT
want to continue to defend your love of stick it to me on IM and i can put up the convo tomorrow as like, A Grown Man Defends His Love of Stick It? [Ed. Note: Meredith is running The Hairpin this week]
thats the climax of the movie
when the gymnast, i forget her name, she tells all the other gymnast they don’t need to be judged
and the anthem part 2 plays
which has the lyrics
“if were fucked up youre to blame
which is like, so true
and in the movie
because the point of the movie is that gymnast judges are stupid and make gymnasts do stupid shit
like you know, wave their hands after they finish a jump
Meredith: then what is the point of gymnastics?
wait, this movie is about technicalities?
David: the point of gymnastics
but it is
we shouldn’t have started at the end
whis would be like asking if great gatsby is about boats
they don’t even go on aboat i don’t think
that’s her name
Meredith: well, i mean, i have never seen the movie so you are driving this ship. how does it start?
David: so hayley and here bmx mini biker friends are biking around through some pools of houses that are under construction
and at first you think hayley is a dude cause she’s wearing this bad ass hoodie
but shes a girl
and you’re like, damn ,girls are cool
David Covucci: it is
Meredith: i thought girls wore like, sun hats and fascinators
David Covucci: (hold on i need to finish a post, don’t include this or do)
yea, but you can’t on a bmx bike
itll fly away
Meredith: oh that’s a good point
David: sorry i had to share a video of a fish eating a shark with the world
Meredith: well done
David: okay so on a dar eor a bet, i forget wish , hayley tries to jump over the pool
and crashes into a plate glass window.
this isn’t her first runin with ‘the law’
btds listening to this now http://grooveshark.com/#!/playlist/Stick+It/96735084
which i have saved on my comp
feel free to run this
i mean link to that
Meredith: did you make this playlist?
Meredith: also i WILL
David: a while ago
like a year ago
it was one of the first things i did at brobible
Meredith: (thumbs up)
okay, wait, let’s back up a second: how did you come to see stick it in the first place
you are an adult man
David: me and my buddy had a phase where we would smoke pot and watch movies geared toward women
it wasn’t intentional
it just sort happened
we watch the devil wears prada and john tucker must die
Meredith: sure sure sure, these things happen
i think it was like hbo girl or something
Meredith: devil wears prada is a whole separate post for you, i know.
David Covucci: and we just watched it
Meredith: i would watch the SHIT out of hbo girl.
David: stick it is also really colorful and cool while high
Meredith: ahh, fair
David: it’s got a great aesthetic and stong montage game
so hayley is given a choice by the judge to go to texas military academy or vga
VGA?!? she says, appalled and scared and all sort of emotions
Meredith: what is VGA?
David: you know that vga carries a stigma
Meredith: does it stand for vagina?
David: it’s burt vickermans gymnasts school
vickerman gymnastics academy
David: hayley wasn’t always a high school bmx biker
before that, she was a world class gymnast
except at the final rotation at worlds with the us in the lead, she walked out of the gym
no one knows why, jus tthat th e us had to forfeit
so NO ONE in the gymnastics world is happy with hayley (she never practiced gymnastics again)
Meredith: the whole us??
do you know who burt vickerman is? have you see the movie
Meredith: that is downright unamerican. WHAT???
David: jeff bridges is in stick it
between that and the giver he is like, all about teen girls
in a popped polo shirt and athletic pants
real douchey vibe
so hayley goes there and is like i’m not gonna do gymnastics and burt is like DGAF hayley
Meredith: like a real bela karolyi vibe??
she’s just going to like, take math and science at the gym school?
David: without the grecian vibe
no theres no math or science here
its just gymnastics
but he and hayley have a heart to heart
he says he’ll train her for the classic and she can use the money to pay the restitution for the glass windon
burt and hayley have very different styles
hayley is reckless, wild child
burt likes to play it safe
his gyms motto is clean safe routines guaranteed to stick
hayley likes to throw double backs
Meredith: what is a double back?
David: double back flip
off the balance beam
burts like no, but she does it and they have it out again
when you wnat to control your tricks, come to me he says
Meredith: more hearts and hearts
David: shes been practicing in a private gym away from everyone else
David: but she knows they hate her, at one point she catches them watching the replay of worlds
everyone in gymnastics hates haylet
okay so a month passes and burt doesn’t pick hayley for the classic
says shes not ready
she convinces them to have a gymnastics off in house to decide who gets to go
Meredith: IN THE HOUSE? that is dangerous
David: in house, amongst the girls at vga
they only have four slots for the classic
okay, that seems safer
safety first — jeff bridges
he broke a vertabrae throwing a trick a while back
when he was a profesh gymnast
you’ll learn that later
here’s the in hosue competition scene which is dope high https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhYn1qFndp8
Meredith: that tracks
so… hayley wins i assume? or does she Learn a Lesson?
were not even a quarter of the way through the movie
hayley finishes in the top four so she gets to go to the classic
there, someone throws a drink on her and says “that was for worlds” and hayley has to by a new leotard
Meredith: drinks don’t wash off?
David Covucci: it was white and a cola of sorts
Meredith: i have a lot more questions about this drink situation
Meredith: because that makes no sense
but i will hold them for the end
David: oh okay
i forget what happens at the classic
but safe to say, hayleys love of gymnastics is rekindled and she and burt train for worlds
David: her and burt train and shes going to do well
LOT of things happen at worlds
i actually don’t think this is worlds. maybe its nationals
suffice it to say
ish goes down
you find out that the reason hayley walked out on world was she discovered, during worlds, is because her mother was sleeping with her old coach
like during the tourney she finds out and cant handle it
which, you know, she was 16 i respect that
Meredith: yeah, it is rough because a 16 year old gymnast, which is what this movie is about
you find out, that burt only took hayley because her dad paid four times the usual tutition
Meredith: (being* i meant.)
David: no other coach would take hayley
i thought the police made her go there?
i guess that makes no sense
David: her dad suggested vga to the judge as an idea instead of the texas military academy
and the judge was like, word
Meredith: because gymnastics is as regimented as the military, and judges recognize that?
David: youll see
is the crux of the movie
Meredith: so much discipline
so young girls, bright colors, discipline, what else do you like about this movie?
David: let me just finish the plot real quick
so hayley and burt make up, hugh
then one of the girls joannna, throws this sick trick and nails it, but the judge deducts two tenths because her bra strap is showing
because the judges also hate burt
and so hayley displays both her bra straps before intentionally throwing her trick
and the other girls follow suit
so the girl who did the trick gets to win
and they’re like wait, we can pick the winners, and so each person gets to win an event while blink 182 plays
Meredith: wait, why do the judges hate burt?
David: hes kinda a douche
Meredith: wait, why can they pick the winners?
David: popped collar
because if no one else goes, the one person who does will automatically win
everyone forfeits their turn except they person they all agree should win
Meredith: oh, in the spirit of competition, sure.
David: well no
its a screw you to the judges
because being. judged. sucks
and thats the crux of the movie
hayley gets a college scholarship and jeff bridges uses the extra money he got from hayleys dad to pay for the window
Meredith: it all comes full circle
this is like 6 pages long
Unfortunately, Meredith decided not to run this after all my work. So we are publishing it here.