Trigger Warning: This post has spoilers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Have you seen emo Kylo Ren? The parody Twitter account for the angsty, mascara-wearing, “I hate my parents” Kylo Ren? The emotionally troubled Ben Solo, err Kylo Ren, the Dark Jedi who shops at Hot Topic and throws temper tantrums because he is often misunderstood.
what's the word for when your father is frozen in carbonite but emotionally for your whole childhood
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 29, 2015
current status: in a sarlacc pit
but emotionally— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 25, 2015
you can't truly appreciate the imperial march until you hear it on vinyl
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
Darth Vader had no father
I envy him— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
ugh parsecs are units of distance DAD
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 28, 2015
*applies black eyeliner*
my parents don't understand me and i hate them
*applies black helmet*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*places Darth Vader's burned-out helmet on piano*
*painstakingly picks out the piano part to 'my immortal' with one finger*— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
i get all my winter clothes at Hoth Topic
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*force-slams his bedroom door*
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
mom please don't even pretend you know what I'm going through right now
also we are out of conditioner— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
@hottopic i will replace the display case i damaged with my lightsaber
please allow me back in the store— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
i suppose i was just born into the wrong era
that's all— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*sets Vader breathing as his text message tone*
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
*constructs a new lightsaber to cut the crusts off his sandwiches*
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 26, 2015
uncle lando said my helmet made me look like a depressed lampshade and then everyone laughed and high-fived him
i hate this family so much— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 25, 2015
dad the wookiee used all my garnier fructis
— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 23, 2015
dear diary
I told hux I did not think much of his name for our band
he said I should go solo
I told him never to mention that name again— Emo Kylo Ren (@KyloR3n) December 22, 2015
Then there is the Very Lonely Luke parody Twitter account. The tribute to the long-lost Luke Skywalker, who has been missing for the past 20 years. The illustrious Jedi isn’t doing much better than emo Kylo Ren on his deserted island in the far reaches of the galaxy in his self-imposed exile.
I made a new imaginary friend.
We had a fight.
Now he won't speak to me.
I am really bad at this.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
It's been 20 years since I've seen another person.
Why did I think this was a good idea again?
Oh, yeah. I remember.
Because I'm an idiot
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
If I died right now, would anyone even notice?
Probably, because I would become a Force ghost and haunt them.
That would teach them.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I'm going to stand in this spot and stare at the ocean for 20 years so I can turn around dramatically if someone ever shows up.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) December 30, 2015
I levitate a rock.
If other people were here, they'd be impressed.
They'd say, "Good job levitating that rock, Luke."
That would be nice.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I can sense through the Force that something very bad just happened to Han.
I hope he didn't knock up my sister again.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
I stare at the ocean.
I hate it.
I hate it so very, very much.
I wonder the ocean feels the same way about me.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
It's hard not to dwell on the past when I'm alone.
Like, why did Leia get to be a princess?
We're twins.
They made me a moisture farmer.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
To be honest, I spend most of my day grooming my beard.
Look at the results.
Worth it.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I have a long history of avoiding people.
One time I jumped off a 1,000-foot ledge in Cloud City to avoid hanging out with my dad.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) December 31, 2015
What if someone comes here when I'm asleep?
They won't find me.
Then they'll leave.
I need more coffee.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
Kylo Ren only went to the Dark Side to piss off his family.
If we were all Sith, he would have a poster of Yoda on his wall.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 2, 2016
I played Hungry Hungry Hippos today
I worked one hippo with each hand
I worked the other two hippos with the Force
I'm so lonely it hurts
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) December 28, 2015
I can't rush out and fight the First Order.
I have important Jedi stuff to do.
*stares at the ocean for 20 years*
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
Kylo Ren, nobody in our family has hair that dark.
We all know you dye it.
And seriously, stop shopping at Hot Topic.
— Very Lonely Luke (@VeryLonelyLuke) January 1, 2016
So which is the better parody account emo Kylo Ren or lonely Luke Skywalker?