Steak-Flavored Potato Chips! Plus 10 Things We Want
Nik Wallenda Watch, $3,966
Nik Wallenda is the guy who walked across the Colorado River Gorge—after leaving his harness back at Niagara Falls—on Sunday. If you were playing the Skywire drinking game, you would have ultimately been killed by his call-outs to JC (one man counted 152 mentions), but, suffice it to say, the millions watching the Discovery Channel were (hopefully) glad to not see Wallenda fall 1,500 feet into the water and rocks below.
Since Twitter typically explodes during events like this, more jokes were cracked about the constant prayer, the Arizona wind, and Wallenda's attire than ever would be conceivably funny. Personally, I was a little amazed at the walker's decision to wear loose-fitting jeans (couldn't Under Armour sponsor a pair of track pants?), while others wanted to know the brand of the huge watch it was 100% necessary for him to wear, because, if anything, he had to finish before the season finale of Mad Men.
That watch was a JeanRichard Terrascope, a large 44m timepiece that retails for about 3 grand. And if JeanRichard has any decency, they'd pay him a penny for the exposure seen on Sunday night.
1993 was the year Michael Jordan averaged 41 points per game in the NBA Finals, in the process destroying friend and rival Charles Barkley, as well as the year Nike released the Air Jordan VIII, which has remained a colorful symbol of early 90s' shoe fashion. Look at that colorway. Straight out of the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
Sensio 3DGO, $Varies
Sensio says it's developed the world's first and largest dedicated 3D VOD service, allowing viewers who own a 3D TV the chance to actually start watching blockbusters and other movies. All you need is high-speed Internet, the app, and the good sense, for the love of God, to not rent the new Twilight.
Mini Arcade Machines, $1,500
An engineer just started selling this geeky, but undeniably cool, invention: Arcade machines with the space-hogging bottom halves cut out, allowing them to be placed on coffee or kitchen tables. Each machine is designed to hold an OS that plays Playstation 1, SNES, Sega Genesis, and traditional arcade games, meaning these bad boys each contain 3,735 different games to play. I suppose I'll stop bidding for that Galaga box on eBay now. It was only going to be two paychecks😦.
Jack Threads Tanks, $20
Tuesday was Half-Christmas, a day when “every holiday sweater’s sleeves are cut, evergreen trees shortened, and cubicle tinsled, and there is someone chugging keg nog with reckless abandon.” It's the highest of all Workaholics holidays, and its spirit should live all year 'round, so things are totally cool if you want to buy the above tank three days late.
While we're on the subject, other tanks currently on sale from our friends at JackThreads include an ubiquitous “Free Karl” design and a tie dye screenprint of a baked-looking Blake. Pick up the bear coat, too.
Ah. Nothing says appetizing quite like an incredibly violent medieval opus and a show about cooking crystal meth. This is the second GOT beer to be brewed by the craft beer Ommegang—it's a stout, and it clocks in at 7% ABV. You'll be either pleased or disappointed to know that Walter White's mix is not blue, but instead an India Pale Ale called “Heisenberg's Dark.” Alas, it's only available in New Mexico.
Galaxy S4 and HTC One: Google Edition, $650 and $600, respectively
Android is a great phone software. The problem is that Samsung and HTC insists on muddling Android with “skins,” a somewhat derogatory word for the layers of software that are implemented by carriers to differentiate their phones. These skins, many times, result in slower and more cluttered phones, filled with features you really don't need.
The new Galaxy S4 and HTC One: Google Edition are “skin-less,” and Gizmodo, among other reviewers, came away pleased that Google finally had a phone stripped of the carrier garbage.
Steak-Flavored Chips, $TBD
While we're talking food and beverage: Ruffles just released a steak-flavored potato chip, primed for “maximum taste,” and said to be “like a steakhouse in your mouth— minus the obnoxious maître d’, weird tiny salad forks and soft jazz.” You may laugh—and you probably should laugh—but have you tried the Ruffles Beer Battered Onion Rings chips? I sampled them three months ago. They're fucking delicious. Of course, they probably haven't digested yet in my stomach, and I might keel over from MSG poisoning any day now, but, you know…
Leap Motion, $79.99
Leap Motion is yet another invention that moves us closer and closer to the world of Minority Report (see also: common use of touchscreens, self-driving cars, Tom Cruise's anti-aging serum). The device hooks up to your computer, allowing you to interact with objects on the screen by pointing, reaching, and grabbing, and while its makers promise “natural movement,” it might be a few years before waving goodbye to your MacBook is truly a natural action. “My laptop saw me give it the finger. We're fighting.”
Saker Aircraft, $5-7 million
THIS IS A PRIVATE MILITARY JET YOU CAN BUY.
In keeping with its military jet inspiration, the S-1 is a tandem two-seater. This includes the pilot’s seat, so this “luxury” jet is aimed at those that consider time more of a luxury than comfort. However, the extra speed should translate to less time spent in the air, with Saker calculating the S-1 will shave an hour off a 1,500 nautical mile (2,778 km/1,726 mile) flight compared to its closest competitor.
The S-1 is also being designed to handle take-off and landing from runways as short as 1,500 ft (457 m) and climb at a rate of 14,000 ft/min (4,267 m/min). Saker anticipates the aircraft will have a service ceiling of 45,000 ft (13,720 m) and a maximum range of 1,600 miles (2,575 km) with its internal 500 gal (1,890 L) tank. However, two external 100 gal (380 L) pods can be added to increase the range to 2,200 miles (3,540 km).
Despite its looks, Saker says no military training will be required to fly the S-1, which has a stall speed of 90 knots. The aircraft’s cockpit, systems and aerodynamics have all been designed so it can be handled by any properly trained pilot. And if the pilot isn’t up to the task, Saker will also offer the option of ejection seats.
Delivery date? 2019. Shit.