How about everyone stops saying ‘here’s the thing’?

by 4 years ago

 

Their conversation was so rapid it was almost impossible to eavesdrop. Back and forth, back and forth, vicious volleys of news, rumors and gossip that I’d normally ignore or drown out with earbuds full-blasting Aesop Rock.

My phone died on the train ride into town. My only entertainment now was the random ramblings of subway strangers.

Girl one looks slightly older, better dressed, on her way to work while girl two appeared unemployed for longer than she imagined or just had the day off. I’ll stick with unemployed because job are so scarce people are afraid to take off.

Here’s the thing about Dan’s man breasts..
Here’s the thing about my addiction to manicures…
Here’s the thing about you being such a slut…

Here’s the thing was each woman’s racket, smashing truths and opinions over the net at 100 mph.

Origin and popular uses

Here’s the facts about “here’s the thing” — it’s an idiomatic expression — which means its meanings cannot be inferred from the definitions of the words that make up the expression. It’s just like “putting your eggs in one basket” or “counting your chicken before they hatch” and other such idioms that don’t have anything to do with farm fowl. Its specific origin is a mystery (at least I couldn’t find it, but have at it) but the phrase could be an amalgamation of other popular idioms.

So what exactly is “the thing”? Well, here’s the thing — there is no specific thing. According to the Oxford Idioms Dictionary for Learners of English (I’ve got several copies under my desk) the thing (about/with something) is (spoken) is just a way to introduce an important fact, reason, or explanation. For example, “I know you want to expand business, but here’s the thing, we haven’t got the money to do that” or
“I’m really sorry I didn’t call you for a second date, because here’s the thing, I’m sleeping with your sister.”

“Here’s the thing” is a fantastic conversation starter for topics that no one really feels like discussing and it’s especially handy in situations when you’re unsure of how to ask for a favor or say something that the other person doesn’t want to hear.”Here’s the thing, I can’t come to your party because it’s going to suck.”

The phrase is also a fashionable sentence starter when giving an opinion contrary to another person — “I understand that’s how you feel about Game of Thrones, but here’s the thing, you’re a twit.”

Urban Dictionary, as always, puts a different spin on the proper use of “here’s the thing” with this entry.

The statement said either during or immediately following someones attempt to make an extremely valid point that makes the person stop talking and listen to your potentially much less important and usually unrelated opinion. The best setup to a conversational punchline. Ever.

S- “I’ve never told anyone this before C, but I think I have an authority fetish because of my corrupted relationships to male figureheads in my childhood.”
C- “Here’s the thing -I’m hungry. Buy me a McDouble.”

Here’s the thing about variations

There are variations, though not was popular, which involve the reconstruction of the phrase into “The thing is…” or “The thing about _____ is…” or substituting an A for the THE and stating “Here’s a thing” but that always sounds like a person is about to pull an object from their pocket (or possibly worse parts of their body).

Here’s my thing with ‘Here’s the thing’

Here’s my thing about “Here’s the thing” — It’s not the use which bothers me but the overuse. Not everything can be the thing. Especially  in the same conversation.

In one 10-minute trip on a D train there were countless “things” each woman was supposed to remember and not all — not Dave’s tits or manicure addictions or the numerous reasons for the second girl’s sluttiness — will be remembered as the most crucial detail. There are too many things to recall just one thing or for only one thing to be the most important.

Here’s the thing though, I’m never letting my phone battery die again.

Chris Illuminati is a recovering a**hole and father. Follow him on Twitter.


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