Stereotypes are stupid. Especially gender stereotypes. Not only are they offensive, they’re just plain lazy. And since we here at Guyism are enlightened gentlemen we thought it would be a good idea to remind any Neanderthals out there that all those ridiculous things they say about women are equally true about themselves. Don’t believe me? Well check this out, seven ways men are more like women – or at least their stereotypes of women - than they realize.
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One of the biggest clichés out there is that women go completely crazy for fashion and shoes and all that jazz while men apparently are content to sit around barefoot in a cloth-sack. Of course, anyone who’s, you know, alive knows that this is nonsense. Just witness any dude’s reaction whenever someone tries to change the design of a sports uniform. They go apeshit. Guys will spend hours obsessing and complaining about how Nike added an extra vertical stripe to their beloved jerseys and if you mess with the colors then dudes instantly turn into Mr. Blackwell. It’s ridiculous. And then there are the shoes. Guys are obsessed with shoes. We’ve all known at least one guy who has to have the newest kicks and whose closet is filled with row upon row of immaculately maintained sneakers that he’s only worn once before. So the next time you want to crack on a lady for being a little overly-enthused about all things fashion, maybe you ought to take a look in the mirror first. And while you’re at it make sure to note the designer label on that shirt you’re wearing.
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One of the laziest gender stereotypes out there is the one that says that women are bad drivers. Are they? Maybe, but no more than men. A lot of studies have been done on this one and while the results vary as far as the specifics go the one thing they tend to show is that while women are involved in more minor car accidents, men are much more likely to be involved in fatal car accidents. There have been studies which have shown that men are almost three and half times more likely than women to be involved in DUI related incidents. Look, I’m not saying there aren’t lousy women drivers, but the worst driver I have ever known is a man and that’s because that driver is me. Seriously, I have done more stupid shit while driving a car than any woman out there. I am a menace. And I imagine there are a lot of dudes just like me.
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While you’re busy smirking at lazy jokes about women being overly-emotional try to remember the last time you stood in your own living room, in front of the TV and behaved like an out of control ape on PCP just because a man with a whistle threw a yellow flag. And then there all the times when men act like petulant babies when they don’t get their way. They pout, they whine, and they carry on like a toddler throwing a tantrum at the market just because mommy won’t buy them a new toy whenever things don’t go their way. A lot of men are spoiled rotten, and a big reason why is because they spend their lives having the idea that they are men and men are always right burned into their brains. Do some women get ridiculous over stupid things? Of course. But so do just as many men. If anything, it’s even worse when men do it because men are bigger and louder. Also, hey, just so you know, that little dude in the striped shirt inside your TV with the whistle can’t actually see or hear you.
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Half of you are shaking your heads right now while the other half are nodding in quiet agreement. And that’s because despite all the cat lady jokes, the reality is that some people – both men and women – like cats while some like dogs. Frankly, it’s weird that gender even plays a part in this stereotype. The biggest dog lovers (and not in the creepy get the peanut butter sense) I have ever known have been women, while some of the biggest cat lovers I’ve known have been the biggest hardcore Satan worshiping metal head dudes you could ever meet. I am a cat dude. I’m not afraid to admit that. I also know that the Godfather of Guyism, the one and only Chris Spags, loves his dog. Does this make either of us more masculine than the other? Of course not. The only way we can figure that out is with a tape measure at the next Guyism picnic.
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Men like to roll their eyes and joke about their girlfriends watching terrible shows featuring rose ceremonies and various Kardashians and Snookii, but really, have you taken a good look at the horrendous shit on your DVR lately? Forgetting for a moment that just as many dudes watch those shows as women – and don’t give me that “my girlfriend makes me watch it” nonsense, I see an awful lot of dudes on Twitter getting reeeeeally into The Bachelor and the like while it’s on – just look at the ridiculous shows aimed at men, just an avalanche of crap about pawn shops and alligator wrestlers and two and a half men and redneck bounty hunters. We all love horrible TV, men and women. So the next time you’re rolling your eyes while Kris Jenner sucks the soul out of another one of her spawn just remember that your girlfriend is doing exactly the same thing whenever you stare entranced at a man in tiny underwear yelling at The Undertaker.
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Men like to pretend that women overreact to stupid things while they stay all levelheaded and deal in reason and facts like they’re all Mr. Spock or something but just surf on over to Twitter or one of the thousands of message boards whose memberships are roughly 99.9% men and you’ll find that nobody can be as petty as a man. It’s the same way in the real world too. Men argue about the stupidest shit imaginable. I have seen men almost get into fistfights over their opinion about a backup quarterback. I have seen friends stop speaking because someone slanders a microbrew. And yes, I have known dudes who have stormed out of parties because someone talked shit about their shoes. To pretend this is a solely female phenomenon is to ignore reality completely. Again, women can be completely ridiculous. But so can men. And that’s because being a drama queen is not a female thing or a male thing. It’s a human thing. We’re all ridiculous.
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One of the oldest and frankly stalest of stereotypes is that women are all insecure and neurotic while men are pillars of calm, quiet certainty. Meanwhile, who is most famously neurotic person of them all? That’s right, Woody Allen. But leaving that memorable example aside, just look around you. Are you seriously telling me that men have their shit together? Half of the dudes out there today are basically overgrown babies, barely capable of even dressing themselves without falling apart. Even the Don Draper types – hell, especially the Don Draper types – spend a big chunk of their time obsessing about what people think about them. The reality is that men care just as much as women about all those little things – how they look, if they’re eating right, what people really think about them, if their boss hates them, whether they have the right kind of shoes, if their friends will make fun of them for what they’re drinking, if they’ll be able to hang in a conversation about sports or about cars... basically, a man is just as neurotic about fitting in and being “a man” and all that means as a woman is about being “a woman” and all that means. You see, we’re all trapped by our definitions and stereotypes and preconceived notions about who we should be based on whether we’re either equipped with a penis or a vagina. And the more we recognize that we’re actually a lot more alike than we realize – in ways good, bad and as this list shows, ridiculous – the better off we’ll all be.
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