This Bald Eagle Stuck In A Sewer Drain Is The Most Florida Thing Of All Time
Jesus Christ, Florida. I love you – so, so much — but you’re tireless. No days off from being Florida to the MAX.
So how did this happen? How the fuck did a bald eagle get stuck in a sewer drain in Florida. Witness Edward Bickerstaff told ABC news, “I saw two eagles fighting in the sky and they just dropped right into the drain, so I immediately pulled over.” (Enter WELCOME TO TRUMP’S AMERICA JOKE HERE)
Experts claim that it’s not uncommon for birds to fight for territory. They also claim that “although it’s uncommon for an eagle to get stuck in the sewer, nothing that happens in Florida should surprise anyone. Even the most uncommon shit.” Experts really said all that. I swear they did. I don’t have a quote or anything, so you’ll just have to take me at my word. Which is as good as gold.
After 90 minutes the stuck eagle was pulled to safety. It will need about 6 weeks to recover from injuries before it is released back into the wild. During its post sewer press conference it said, “that other eagle better watch its fucking back, because this time it’s personal.” I swear, the eagle was quoted as saying that. Don’t believe me? Fuck you!