Crocodile would fuck you up, good. Fastest acceleration of any land animal with jaws that make a bear trap look like two pieces of cooked lasagna being slapped together by a toddler. Crocodile would fuck you up real good.
Crocodile the size of a bus? Oh we’re lucky crocodile the size of a bus ain’t around no more. Crocodile the size of a bus would be president by now. New Hampshire Primary? More like, New Hampshire Eat You ary. Iowa Caucus? Iowa JAW-cus as crocodile the size of a bus mows down on corn and people alike.
How are you gonna stop crocodile the size of a bus? With a gun? Crocodile the size of a bus sees your second amendment and raises you his second a-VENGEANACE. With his sharp teeth. Good luck stopping that thing. I hope it lives on top of the White House instead of moving inside. Hey ISIS, come negotiate. With my mouth. He wouldn’t even need the Secret Service.
But who is crocodile the size of a bus? He is the just discovered Machimosaurus rex. That’s right, he’s a fucking Rex. He comes from a famed family, with political chops and political CHOMPS.
Crocodile the size of a bus was 30 feet long, which is the size of a bus, and had a head that was five feet long. How you gonna not vote for a crocodile whose head is the size of YOU? Good fucking luck with that.
Crocodile the size of a bus lived in a lagoon in what is now the Sahara, but that wouldn’t stop him from winning the U.S. election. You wanna see his long form birth certificate, or do you just not want to be eaten?
It’s an important question.
Look at this MOTHER FUCKER.
Now look at him.
Me
Yea go ahead. Vote Trump all you want.
[Via The Washington Post]