I’ve got to break some news to you Bros that you may not want to hear, but here goes nothing…
Using Tinder as a guy means you’re automatically playing on hard mode.
Still here? Annoyed that you already knew that fun fact? Well sorry to bum you out, but it’s true. A girl could literally tell a dude she met on Tinder that she devoured her last date like a praying mantis at the end of a hunger strike and the guy’s response wouldn’t be anything short of “So…is it time to make fuck then?” Girls don’t even have to be coherent on Tinder – they just have to have a pulse and not be an obvious bot. So when Metro’s Ellen Scott tried to get a date using only Kanye West quotes, it’s no surprise that she had a little trouble at first….but eventually found some poor guy desperate enough for the pussy that he was willing to get butthumped by Yeezy himself.
• I would communicate on Tinder using *only* quotes from Kanye West
• Quotes can include: song lyrics, tweets, and interview quotes
• I would use my regular Tinder pic, so I would know people weren’t just swiping right on me because I was Kanye West
The start of Ellen’s “adventure” proved uneventful, as she was somehow lucky enough to match with dudes who just happened to have “Is coherent and says intelligible things” on their list of “must-haves” for Tinder matches:
Some thought she was just fucking with them, which in truth, she was:
But then, like a faint flicker of sunrise at the end of a dark night, she found someone desperate enough for poon that he actually had a conversation with her. Er, sorry – “conversation.” It’s still largely unintelligible garble:
Ellen states that she “learned once again that men on Tinder are willing to put up with a lot of crazy to get laid,” which to be fair, you can’t deny after reading shit like this:
It wasn’t until she actually found someone actively trying to meet up with her that she realized that none of Kanye’s quotes really lend themselves to going on dates. When was the last time you heard “Hey d00d you tryna grab some grub at the flub-a-lub-dub food store later?” in a Yeezy song? In other words, Ellen was kind of fucked:
Likewise with Balla, according to the rules she couldn’t give him her phone number unless it came out of Kanye’s mouth first:
In the end, Ellen says she learned that “I am god’s vessel. I am a god. And that’s what really matters.”
Woof, a little self-indulgent there huh? Apparently too much Kanye goes a longggggg way. No, scratch that, a longgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg way.
[Via Metro]