FINALLY A Breakthrough That Could Make Condoms Extinct–Scientists Claim Male Contraceptive Injections ‘Show Promise’

Elon Musk wants to put 1 million people in glass houses in Mars in just 40 years. Today, we’re still putting dick balloons over our meat popsicles to ensure we don’t get girls pregnant. Sex scientists have been asleep at the wheel for centuries and have perpetually ignored our calls for change. Condoms simply aren’t cutting it. Well, check that, they are cutting it–and by ‘it’ I mean the blood circulation to my hog. I say these things jokingly, but I’m not. It’s fucking bullshit.

Anyway, there has finally(!!) been a breakthrough in the male contraception fight–a hormone injection that has proved to be an effective method after 20 years of research.

According to BBC, US researchers say the jab was almost 96% effective in tests on around 270 men who were using it, with four pregnancies among their partners.

This study, which was published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology & Metabolism, looked at men aged 18-45 who had been in monogamous relationships for at least a year, and whose partners had agreed to participate.

Each man had hormone injections–progesterone and a form of testosterone–every eight weeks, and were monitored for up to six months until their sperm count fell to under a million. The normal sperm count is 15 million per millilitre.

After they stopped receiving injections, they were monitored to see how quickly their sperm count returned to its normal levels. Eight men had not recovered their normal sperm count a year after the study ended.

Dr Mario Festin, the study moderator and member of the World Health Organization (WHO) in Geneva, said:

“The study found it is possible to have a hormonal contraceptive for men that reduces the risk of unplanned pregnancies in the partners of men who use it.”

Are you ready for the bad part? There’s always a bad part.

BBC reports that the researchers stopped taking new participants after 2011, because of the side effects: depression and other mood disorders, acne, muscle pain. A total of 20 men dropped out of the study in the middle of it due to these concerns.

The researchers are now looking to combining different levels of the same hormones and different ways to administer the contraception (gel), in order to maximize the efficiency of the product while limiting its side effects.

[h/t BBC, Party Pena]

Matt Keohan Avatar
Matt’s love of writing was born during a sixth grade assembly when it was announced that his essay titled “Why Drugs Are Bad” had taken first prize in D.A.R.E.’s grade-wide contest. The anti-drug people gave him a $50 savings bond for his brave contribution to crime-fighting, and upon the bond’s maturity 10 years later, he used it to buy his very first bag of marijuana.