The Way to a Girl’s Heart is Through Her Stomach: Why You Should Be a Bro Who Cooks
The title of this article is fashioned after the age-old quote, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”
By “fashioned after,” I mean it’s quite literally the same exact quote with a gender reversal. The reason for this being that it’s true of both sexes, not just dudes.
Contrary to popular belief, women like to eat food, not just prepare, serve, or purge it.
Now that my passive aggressive ranting has ceased, I’m going to offer some evidentiary support as to why being a Bro Chef (I wanted to go with Chef Bro-yardee, but I’m feeling a little vulnerable about how corny that is) is a good skillset to have under your belt.
It shows you can complete a task
Women want to know that once you start something that you can finish it. It’s really that simple. What better way to prove that than by cooking a delicious meal? It benefits both of you, but in actuality looks completely selfless. Feel free to make your favorite dish as more incentive, and yes, grilling a steak counts as cooking. Really anything that doesn’t involve a microwave will make you look good.
It shows that you’re thoughtful
Cooking a meal for two people generally requires at the very least, some thought. Usually you aren’t just throwing some random shit together and praying for the best. Thoughtfulness is ALWAYS a good thing. Literally no girl on the planet is going to say, “Fuck you for putting too much genuine thought into feeding me, get this homemade gnocchi with pesto out of my face, you piece of shit!!”
It shows budgeting skills
Yes, going out to dinner every night is undoubtedly more expensive than cooking your own food, but that definitely doesn’t mean that groceries are cheap. It takes a lot of fucking budgeting to cook every night and I’m not talking about ramen noodles. Being a bro who cooks gives you a leg up when it comes to this shit. You understand that while you may want to buy Kobe beef and fancy artisanal cheeses in bulk that it’s not really worth eating ice sandwiches (not ice cream, but ice, actual cubes, in between bread) for the rest of the week.
It shows you have time management
Women don’t expect you to Iron Chef it up every night, but if you’re the one cooking dinner it’s safe to say that you’ll want to have it on the table by the time your lady arrives home. This includes the thoughtfulness aspect mentioned early, but adds a special new element that you’re capable of acknowledging a clock. Please don’t act like that’s a given because for every 10 men with time management skills, there’s 377 without them (Wikipedia it).
It proves you really know who she is
Women are fucking picky when it comes to their food. If you ask a girl what she wants to eat and she’s able to answer in less than 30 minutes, marry her. Moving forward, if you’re able to please her palette, it means that on some fundamental level you really know who she is. We need food to survive, it’s a big aspect of life and knowing someone’s tastes is a true sign of affection.
It shows that you’re cultured
Even if you’re making bacon cheeseburgers I think that anyone who shows interest in culinary pursuits has an appreciation for culture. Food ties people together and anyone who enjoys cooking just seems more human and kind-hearted to me. I’d venture to say that Facebook would be a far less wretched place if people shut the fuck up about the presidential election in their statuses and simply started discussing the best places to eat pizza.
It shows you can be a good host
If you walk into someone’s house and they don’t offer to cook for you, I really don’t know why you would stay. I hate people who throw parties and think that the full extent of their duty ends at having enough toilet paper and cheap beer. If you’re a bro who can throw a decent party and there’s some sort of solid dip/chip combo on the table, the women will appreciate it.
It proves you aren’t a misogynist
I had to throw this in here for good measure because ultimately any guy who truly believes that a woman’s place is in the kitchen is a Grade A Asshole. Is a woman who cooks a bonus? Fuck yeah, but that’s not to say if she can’t then she’s worthless. I feel the same way about Bros. If you can cook, it’s awesome (as I’m sure you’ve gathered by the entire article) but if you can’t, we’ll get over it.
At the end of the day, impressing women can be exhausting. Stop worrying about what kind of aftershave to wear or how often you should frequent the gym or if those jeans make your package look nice (I don’t even really know if that’s a thing) and start focusing on watching a little bit of Food Network, reading a recipe or two, and maybe even buying a cook book if you’re really looking to hit it big.