32-year-old Christina Ferguson was arrested this week in Amherst Junction, Wisconsin after she was found trashing cars with smooth peanut butter.
A witness caught her red-handed and began shouting before calling the police. While being questioned by officers Christina Ferguson denied any wrongdoing and claimed she hadn’t left her apartment all evening…She did this while repeatedly licking her fingers, fingers that were once smeared in peanut butter.
Ferguson used a family-size jar of creamy natural Jif peanut butter and smeared 30 cars, cars that were parked while members of the local Tomorrow River Conservation Club met. Christina Ferguson mistook these local conservationists for a meeting of Donald Trump supporters and thought that she’d pull one over on them and smear some peanut butter, instead she wound up arrested.
The Independent reports:
When pushed as to why she had committed the offence, Ms Ferguson talked about “how much she loved Hillary Clinton and hated Donald Trump,” the complaint says.
“Peanut buttering is better than firebombing, and Trump plans on firebombing everybody in other countries,” Ms Ferguson reportedly said.
However, when she realised she had mistakenly identified the meeting as a Trump rally, she was remorseful saying she was “just fed up about the entire election.”
The complaint claimed Ms Ferguson smelt strongly of alcohol and her blood alcohol level was 0.218, more than twice the legal limit for driving.
One cop noted that it was fortunate Christina used smooth peanut butter in place of chunky because the chunky peanut butter would’ve scratched up the cars. I for one think it’s insane that smooth peanut butter exists, as it’s offensive to the sanctity of peanut butter. If you’re not eating chunky peanut butter then you deserve to be locked up in a mental institution, as chunky peanut butter is the only true form of peanut butter and eating anything else deserves to be met with psychiatric treatment (God help you if you choose almond butter).
Just like Christina I’m also fed up with the entire election but you won’t find me out in the middle of the night, driving drunk, and smearing cars with peanut butter just because I disapprove of a candidate…That’s fucking psychotic. Look at this disgusting shit right here, I don’t even understand why they make this:
http://imgur.com/sGLJT3u
…(h/t The Independent)…