Here’s What Every NFL Team Name And Logo Would Be If Named By Horny Teenagers

We here at BroBible love two things: Puns and sex. And football. Three things. We love three things: Puns and sex and football.

Which is why, one day, when someone in our group chat made some infantile ass remark like “Kansas City Chiefs, more like Kansas City Queefs” (it was probably David), that led to a tremendously unproductive hour in which we all did nothing but try and come up with the best puns a horny teenage boy would make for every single NFL team.

That tremendous time suck led to some wonderful names that were too good not to share with you Bros.

Here they are.

[All illustrations by the wonderful Chris Illuminati and credit goes to everyone on the Bro squad who helped come up with these.]

AFC EAST

Buffalo Ball Gags

New England Pancake Tits

New York Jizz

Miami Deadfish

AFC NORTH

Baltimore Spray Men

Cincinnati Bang Gals

Cleveland Blown

Clitsburgh Feelers

AFC SOUTH

Houston Sextings

Indianapolis Cucks

Jacksonville Jagoffs

Tennessee Tits and Ass

AFC WEST

Denver Nymphos

Kansas City Queefs

Oakland Panty Raiders

San Diego Discharges

NFC EAST

Dallas Plowboys

Filthydelphia Spread Eagles

New York Giant Salami Nipples

Washington Blumpkins

NFC NORTH

Chicago Barebacks

Detroit Hymens

Green Bay Box Packers

Minnesota Fap Kings

NFC SOUTH

Atlanta Fullcums

Carolina Sex Panthers

New Orifice Taints

Tampa Bay Fuckaneers

NFC WEST

Arizona Hard in Holes

Los Angeles Rammed

San Francisco 69ers

Seattle Cockblocks

And there you have it. Horny teens indeed.