A few weeks back I got a random email from someone in publishing who wanted to send me an advance copy of a book to review. This happens from time to time when you work on the Internet as a writer, so I didn’t think too much of it.
Up until I read through the email and realized it was the book of none other than Dom Mazzetti, the Brofessor and his new book, The Swoly Bible.
If you’ve spent any time on the Internet, especially if you’re into fitness, then chances are you know all about Dom. The guy has made a career out of parodying the world of fitness while also dropping truth bombs every now and then. To say he’s a celebrity in the world of YouTube and fitness would be an understatement.
Understandably I was pumped to check out an advance copy of the book, but things took a major turn when they asked if I’d be interested in doing an interview with Dom. An offer I happily jumped at.
So, without further nonsense on my part, here’s the interview with the one and only Dom Mazzetti.
How does it feel to be an author?
I want to say it’s my greatest achievement because I had so much stacked against me, but every time I step in the gym and complete a workout that’s my greatest achievement.
Being an author as a lifetime illiterate? That’s nothing to sneeze at.
If there was a decathalon of bicep curls, a bicathelon of sorts, what curls would it consist of and in what order?
Bicathelon? I’m assuming that’s two events. I’m gonna go with three events.
- Barbell curl. Arnold taught us that. That’s your bread and butter. That’s your main course.
- Dumbbell curl. That’s dessert.
- Cheese curl. You gotta get your carbs in after.
Imagine you’re in a WWF tag team match, who is your partner? And who are your opponents?
Okay, me and The Swoly Bible vs. Smallness and literacy. I’m taking literacy off the map. You don’t have to be literate to read. Even though that’s literally what it means, I’m coming after it.
What was your favorite chapter in The Swoly Bible?
The last one. That’s when the check came.
If you had a magic lamp and you rubbed it after banging out a set of curls and a genie popped out, what would your 3 wishes be?
First off, fuck the genie. I make shit happen. I don’t need any charity wishes and your desert gypsy magic. Wishes are for chumps. You don’t wish for shit. You make it happen. If I wished for shit I would do stupid shit like wish I could read so I could write a book. No. I just go fucking do it.
If the swoly ghost came down from heaven and offered the following deal, would you accept it: lifelong 22 inch arms but you have to be a vegan.
Absolutely not. Because then I would have to lose 2 inches off my arms. Thanks God, but try again next time.
Let’s say you’re in a gym that doesn’t have a squat rack. Are you still going to be doing curls?
Let me ask you this: Are you still going to eat food even if you don’t have a dinner table.
Yeah.
Exactly. Let me ask you another question, why? Because you need it to live. Otherwise, you’re going to waste away and die.
Wait. Are you telling me you live on curls?
Are you telling me you don’t?
Is there anything you had to learn for the book? Any science that you needed to learn?
Everything in the book is something I’ve learned over the years. That’s what broscience is. I didn’t just start with this knowledge. You start in the gym and you don’t know where to go. You’re like a lost kid in the mall just grabbing adults and sometimes you latch onto the wrong person and you wind up dead.
But you find your parent. Your brofessor. They give you the knowledge. Broscience comes in and helps you out. Everything in this book is something I’ve learned over the years. I’m gonna save you the time of not knowing what to do.
If a person buys the book can they become the next Dom Mazzetti?
Absolutely not. That’s not something that can happen. But everyone can become a brofessor. I am THE brofessor. But everybody can be a brofessor.
A brofessor is just a purveyor of broscience. You get a brotege. You get em to the gym you give em some broscience. You are now a brofessor. You are passing along broscience. This is how it continues.
Regular science? Textbooks. Classrooms. Teachers. All that lame shit.
Broscience? It’s all in the gym. It’s a community. It’s like a campfire. Telling ghost stories. Magic tales and folklore.
If they made a video game out of your life, who would the final boss be?
You’re probably thinking Bradley Martyn would be the final boss. But he’s more like a low level peon. Like maybe one of those small mushroom guys, those little dick tip guys in Mario you just run right through and don’t even look back.
The final boss would probably be body dysmorphia.
Hit you with the realness, huh? It’s all of our final bosses if you think about it.
Dom’s book The Swoly Bible is in stores everywhere. Do yourself a favor and go grab it. You won’t be disappointed.