As if you needed any more reasons to hate Justin Bieber. What is it with pop stars and monkeys? For normal people like you or I, acceptable pets are dogs, cats, maybe fish, an alligator if we need to scare people away from our cocaine stash. But a monkey? Monkeys are primates, our closest living evolutionary relative, and they really make pretty lousy pets. Michael Jackson had Bubbles the chimp, who slept in a bed at Neverland, ate candy, and grew up into an aggressive, dangerous animal who later tried to commit suicide in a primate sanctuary. And now Justin Bieber has poor little Mally. Well, not anymore.
Mally, a capuchin monkey, was given to the singer for his 19th birthday by producer Jamal Rashid. Capuchins are legal for keeping as pets in some states, but they can be dangerous, especially if their sharp canine teeth are not removed. It’s also recommended to bond them with their owners at a very young age, which Mally doesn’t seem to have been. Oh, and they need to wear diapers or else they’ll poop all over everything for the 35-40 years they live in captivity. Cool pet, bro.
Last month, the Biebs traveled to Germany and brought Mally along with him. Despite multiple warnings that he wasn’t authorized to bring the animal into the country, the singer tried to smuggle him in on a private jet. Customs officials in Munich confiscated Mally and refused to return him to the singer until Bieber provided documentation that the monkey was up to health code.
Now the singer and his crew have decided that the little bastard just isn’t worth the trouble. The Huffington Post is reporting that Mally is being left in Germany, with Bieber asking the authorities there to find the monkey a forever home. What kind of example does this send to all of the Beliebers out there? Would Justin leave you in a holding cell in a German airport and just forget about you? I think he’s got some explaining to do.