Sexy and single, who are Hollywood’s most eligible bachelorettes? Take a look at this comprehensive list.
25 Emma Watson
Emma Watson is 23 now. She’s all grown up. She’s no longer a child star. She’s a full blown woman, capable of making us melt in GIF.
24 Taylor Swift
This is your chance to be the subject of a popular song.
23 Nicki Minaj
Can you imagine having Nicki Minaj as your girlfriend, twerking 24-hours a day? That sounds like something I’d be interested in. You?
22 Nina Dobrev
Are you willing to be used as a yoga wall? If so, Nina Dobrev is the woman for you.
21 Ashley Judd
Ten years from now Ashley Judd will be the most powerful politician in Washington. She’s Hillary Clinton except you know, much younger and uh, much easier on the eyes and her significant other probably didn’t cheat on her with a fat woman and a cigar.
20 Gina Carano
The MMA star turned actress recently got dumped by Superman Henry Cavill. I don’t want to live in a world where our superheroes make suspect decisions.
19 Charlize Theron
Why is Charlize Theron single? Better question, how is Charlize Theron single. Even better question, why isn’t she dating me?
18 Lindsay Lohan
Bear with me as I try to explain this one. Take away the drugs, the arrests, the lying, the cheating, the stealing, the debt, the bad acting, the wardrobe malfunctions, the rampant alcohol use, the suspect decision making and the bad driving. When you take away all that you’re left with…/fart noises.
17 Rachel McAdams
Important factual information before deciding to woo Rachel McAdams. That’s not her butt in this scene. She used a butt double. I still respect her but much, much less than I did before she had the greatest backside in Hollywood history.
16 Selena Gomez
On one hand Selena’s tainted with the stench of Justin Bieber. On the other hand, no, forget it, she’s forever tainted.
15 Amanda Bynes
Amanda’s on this list because she’s a wonderful, sane individual who’s quite lovely and /sniffs another line of coke. What was I saying?
14 Kate Mara
I don’t know much about Kate Mara’s love life but she went out with Justin Long which totally means I have a chance because he’s sort of a douche.
13 Bar Refaeli
Remember when Bar kissed that fat, ugly dude in that Go Daddy commercial? Yea, that fat, ugly dude should have been me.
12 Ashley Greene
True story: I didn’t know who Ashley Greene was before posting this. Then I looked at some pictures. Now I’m ready to marry her. That escalated quickly.
11 Jenny McCarthy
Is your MMR updated? When was the last time you had a tetanus shot? I ask because you should totally get a hepatitis vaccine before dating Jenny McCarthy. Not because she’s diseased but because it would make her go insane—which would inevitably lead to crazy, monkey sex.
10 Julianne Hough
She went out with Ryan Seacrest. For a long time I might add. I question her ability to make sound decisions which is why I totally need to meet her like 10 minutes before last call.
9 January Jones
January Jones eats placenta which means you’ll have to go toe-to-toe with Tom Cruise for her love.
8 Eva Longoria
Eva Longoria says she doesn’t wear panties, which is weird because I too am going commando right now.
7 Olivia Munn
No, Olivia Munn does not let random men grope her. This is a totally inappropriate GIF. Who put that there?
6 Jennifer Lawrence
She’s my favorite person in the world and I love her. That doesn’t look creepy at all when it’s in writing and not being recited over and over in front of my mirror.
Oh, you think you’re not good enough for Rihanna? You don’t think you’re A-list material? She went out with Chris Brown people. Twice. You’re an upgrade if you have a heartbeat.
4 Katie Holmes
The good: Katie Holmes is a lovely single mom who seems totally normal. The bad: her ex-husband might interrupt your lovemaking by coming over, jumping on your couch, reciting words from the secret Scientology bible and eating your placenta.
3 Katy Perry
Technically she’s dating John Mayer but he’ll probably dump her before you’re done reading this.
2 Kaley Cuoco
Everyone’s favorite nerd crush might be dating Superman Henry Cavill, though, that’s not confirmed. She stole him from everyone’s favorite MMA crush, Gina Carano. I’d like to see them wrestle for my love.
1 Stacy Keibler
If she’s good enough for George Clooney, she’s good enough for me. The former WWE diva with legs for days is on the rebound and we’re more than happy to distract her for awhile.
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