Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I block people who don’t even follow me. That’s some next level shit.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) July 8, 2013
That is next level.
What’s amazing about kids finding the 20,000 yr. old mastodon tooth while playing outside, was that kids were playing outside. Go Iowa!
— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) July 8, 2013
Kids are weird like that in Iowa.
I think I’d rather be friends with a serial killer than someone who’d take a “Who Would You Rather?” quiz on TMZ.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 8, 2013
But who’d you rather? Jeffrey Dahmer or Ed Gein?
Holy shit it’s happening. I’m hearing my song on the radio. Every music biopic ever has taught me this will lead to drugs and madness #sweet
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) July 8, 2013
Can’t wait to watch her True Hollywood Story.
thanks boobs for catching things like food, earrings & other things that i would have dropped & broken… http://t.co/S9Vp7OPNvm
— Jade Bryce (@thejadebryce) July 8, 2013
Boobs: For more than just staring at.
Has anyone wearing a neck brace ever NOT looked like they were faking it?
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 8, 2013
At least I got my left foot and right foot correct. Been walking around like this all day, and just now noticed… pic.twitter.com/eJaKcdgCFc
— Sara Jean Underwood (@SaraUnderwood) July 8, 2013
(Insert dumb blonde joke here.)
Skin tags are your body’s “no more tank tops” early warning system. Heed them. HEED THEM, for Chrissakes.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 8, 2013
That’s a really good PSA.
I Hate Taking Pictures With A Broken Nose
— amanda bynes (@amandabynes) July 9, 2013
I Especially Like How She Capitalized Every Word.
If I had to spend four thousand dollars every time I had sex, I’d be way better than Eliot Spitzer at crying in front of women.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) July 9, 2013
She has a point.
Guy next to me on my flight is wearing an Old Guys Rule t-shirt. I gotta say, he doesn’t seem to rule anything. He’s actually gross as shit.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 9, 2013
But, but, he rules.
I love the color of @AmandaBynes new wig I’m obsessed with that color its like mermaid hair!
— Kelly Osbourne (@KellyOsbourne) July 9, 2013
And just like that Amanda Bynes now thinks she’s a mermaid.
There’s no “good” way to eat a banana in public.
— Jesse Lee D (@JesseLeeNYC) July 10, 2013
I strongly disagree.
— Bree Olson (@BreeOlson) July 10, 2013
Why is she asking for help?
Justin Bieber pissed in a restaurant mop bucket, then said, “Fuck, Bill Clinton.” while leaving the building. This is why I’m Pro-Choice.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 10, 2013
There are worse reasons.
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) July 10, 2013
Maybe we should give this a shot?
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) July 10, 2013
Note to self: Visit Comic Con San Diego on Friday.
On March 23, 2016, we will have a rare penumbral lunar eclipse and Zach Braff will complete his transformation into Ray Romano.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) July 10, 2013
And then everybody will love Zach.
Makes me mad that today’s kids hear “Karate Kid” & think Jaden Smith. Well, there’s only one REAL Karate Kid for me & that’s Hilary Swank.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 10, 2013
Was she the one who did Wax On, Wax Off?
My only wish in life is that women who do their make up while driving would smack their nose on the steering wheel.
— Tom Crabtree (@itsCrab) July 11, 2013
For his only wish in life that’s not bad.
“Poking” someone on Facebook is exactly as creepy as showing them your soft penis in an elevator.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 11, 2013
It’s been a few years, so I’m just wondering: is it still hard out there for a pimp?
— Conan O’Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 11, 2013
Yes, Conan. Yes, it is.
— Jenny McCarthy (@JennyMcCarthy) July 11, 2013
Still waiting to see if he liked it.
“I wish I was that bucket! (sigh…)” – Justin Bieber fans
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) July 11, 2013
Unfortunately, this is true.
Holy shit, guys. Turn on @CNN. Obama, just now: “We must, as a nation, will our organs to shut down. Sharknado!”
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) July 12, 2013
Had to have at least one Sharknado tweet in here, didn’t I?