Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Oregon Ducks equipment manager should be paid well, I can only imagine what he has to go through with multiple uniform/helmet combinations.
— Chad Johnson (@ochocinco) October 21, 2013
I’m sure he’s being paid VERY well. It’s BCS football.
"Okay, how do we make the old chargers obsolete?" – first thing spoken at every Apple meeting about a new product.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 21, 2013
That’s not even a joke.
— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) October 21, 2013
Shouldn’t have gone into punter beast mode, Pat.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) October 21, 2013
Pugs are always out of breath like they just ran from the cops.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 21, 2013
Maybe they’re in some secret pug gang we don’t know about.
When I was a kid I'm pretty sure I had a T-shirt of Bugs Bunny wearing a backwards hat and leather jacket. The 90's were a weird time.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) October 21, 2013
Yes, as opposed to now, which is soo normal.
The Mannings clearly can't win on the same week this year.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) October 22, 2013
That doesn’t bode well for Eli then.
Kim Kardashian's birthday is today AND she got engaged to Kanye West! It's almost like it was made for TV! Wait….
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 22, 2013
I’m sure it was just a coincidence.
Kim Kardashian take shit bigger than Prince Fielder
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) October 22, 2013
Not sure what that even means, but it’s funny.
I always want to think I'm above them but the truth is I have no defense mechanisms against catchy pop songs.
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) October 22, 2013
You’re not alone, Gillian. You’re not alone.
Facebook=FUCKbook. Why? Your page is either full of people u want2bang..people who want to bang you…or people you have banged (4most men)
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) October 22, 2013
Her Facebook is way different than mine.
iPad air? Oh god apple fuck off already
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 22, 2013
Right there with you, Chrissy.
If a closed store has a permanent “Open” sign, it should be legal to smash the window and take what you want. If elected, I will make it so.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) October 22, 2013
You’ve got my vote.
Leather pants are not for everyone.
— Bill Burr (@billburr) October 22, 2013
Words to live by.
Had the worst nightmare last night that Josh Freeman started for the Vikings and we lost to the 0-6 Giants……wait….FUCK!!!!!!!
— Nick Swardson (@NickSwardson) October 22, 2013
Everyone watching MNF had that nightmare.
some things never change when I visit Ft Lauderdale…like an abundance of men in white jeans & rhinestone shirts
— jaime edmondson (@jaimeedmondson) October 22, 2013
It’s called stylin’ and profilin’.
.@Arbys I want 2 fuck you
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) October 22, 2013
That’s a compliment, right?
Doctors, are hospitals really like Grey's Anatomy? Please say yes. Please tell me you all sleep together.
— ireland (@IrelandBBaldwin) October 23, 2013
I believe that they do.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 23, 2013
The men in the gym would probably disagree, but I see your point.
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) October 23, 2013
He was probably tired from running from the cops.
I feel bad that Robert De Niro doesn't have eyes anymore.
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) October 23, 2013
He is a bit squinty these days.
When people talk on the phone in the elevator it is hard to resist the impulse to ask them to stop or participate in their conversation.
— Jake Johannsen (@Jakethis) October 23, 2013
Keep this in mind, folks.
It seems like a lot of these new shows are getting the shark-jumping over with in the first episode…
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) October 23, 2013
A lot or all?
Meriweather suspension reduced by half. In accordance, he will now only hit half the league with his helmet.
— Rich Eisen (@richeisen) October 23, 2013
Hasn’t he already done that?
It is so much more rewarding to be kind than it is to be an asshole.
— Ariana Grande (@ArianaGrande) October 23, 2013
Eh, go f**k yourself.
It's such a bummer when someone you know is having a bad day while you're having a great day and you have to ignore them until tomorrow.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) October 23, 2013
See, Dane agrees with me.
Was there sports tonight? How did the Boston Ball-Hitters do against Louis' Super-Players in the Baseball Cup?
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 24, 2013
The Boston Ball-Hitters?
Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I have nothing else to say.
— Amy Weber (@TherealAmyWeber) October 24, 2013
Madden has been a video game for 25 years. I've been a fuckin' dork for THAT long.
— Adam Levine (@adamlevine) October 24, 2013
You are far from alone in that regard.
Are you kidding me?? Are we honestly talking about Favre again?!? Seriously? Really? I guess there's no Tebow so why not?
— Jay Glazer (@JayGlazer) October 24, 2013
Oh God, please don’t even say his name. Either one.
Why is Lady Gaga dressed as a McDonalds hash brown? pic.twitter.com/DIKr6BfhGz
— Rosie Jones (@rosieofthejones) October 24, 2013
Who the f**k knows.
I like taking forever to send iMessages so those dots pop up & the person thinks I’m writing something long then I just send a snake emoji.
— Melissa Stetten (@MelissaStetten) October 24, 2013
That is fun.
I don't feel knowledgable enough about food to be on Instagram.
— Brad Keselowski (@keselowski) October 25, 2013
They should really change it to “Foodstagram.”
Can anyone recommend a good bukake film? Just signed up for Netflix steaming.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) October 25, 2013
I don’t think that’s what Netflix is for, but good luck!
A public service announcement. pic.twitter.com/V13jrVkiQ9
— George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) October 25, 2013
Have a great weekend, everybody!