Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
Great win, but worst case of pink head I've ever seen from Peyt.
— Jim Rome (@jimrome) November 18, 2013
SNL has taught us that Gaga is a Fran Drescher level comique genius
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) November 18, 2013
That’s not nice. Fran Drescher is way funnier.
Twitter is a great place for people to answer a question you never asked.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 18, 2013
It’s a minefield of stupidity.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and Alec Baldwin should co-host a new reality show. Meet the Paparazzi, everyone would watch
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) November 18, 2013
NO MORE FUCKING MASCARA INNOVATIONS PLEASE
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 18, 2013
How many can there be?
Last night I had a weird dream that I was a game show host, and all of the contestants were reality TV stars…i dream big?
— Katrina Bowden (@KatrinaKBowden) November 18, 2013
That’s way better than any of my dreams.
If you ever feel sad just remember I have a friend who unknowingly wore 3D glasses from the cinema as sunglasses for 6 months…
— Jade Bryce (@thejadebryce) November 18, 2013
That should be a motivational poster.
It may be a silly old family tradition, but if I ever have a son, I'm going to name him.
— Megan Ganz (@meganganz) November 18, 2013
You got the joke, right?
Bedtime conversation with my 7 yr old son. Son: Dad, can you die from eating poop? Me: I think so, yes. Son: Uh oh. Me: Why? Son: No reason
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 19, 2013
Kids are the best.
publisher of Oxford dictionaries just declared "Selfie" the word of the year. My mom will be so proud.
— Geraldo Rivera (@GeraldoRivera) November 19, 2013
You’re part of the problem, Geraldo.
Oxford Dictionary has given the prestigious title of "Word of the Year" to 'selfie'. So slam your dick in a car door, English language.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) November 19, 2013
We sure have come a long way, haven’t we?
Wife and I are arguing over the end of the MNF game. I told her it's obvious she never played football. She replied with "neither did you."
— Chris Kluwe (@ChrisWarcraft) November 19, 2013
You have to respect a woman who won't take her earmuffs off for a photo.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) November 19, 2013
Yes, yes you do.
Does Geico cover you if you get in an accident while double-taking when you drive by a hot babe?
— Nate Fernald (@natefernald) November 19, 2013
That would be a great commercial if they do.
If you don’t post a picture of your airplane’s wing on Facebook, how am I supposed to know you’re going on a trip?
— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) November 19, 2013
WHEN WILL THE HIPSTERS START SMOKING PIPES???
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 19, 2013
You mean they haven’t?
The odds are good People magazine didn't pick the sexiest Adam Levine alive.
— Alison Forns (@alisonforns) November 20, 2013
Bet on it.
When I become sports czar, I'm banning all sideline reporters from asking, "How important was it for you guys to get this win?"
— Bill Simmons (@BillSimmons) November 20, 2013
Someone make him sports czar now.
You guys. I'm hiding in the basement of Clooneys mansion on Lake Como. There's bodies down here. And amazing wines!!!!
— RainnWilson (@rainnwilson) November 20, 2013
Really? Amazing wines?
Alex Rodriguez: "This is my whole life. My legacy. I'm part of history." Next to "megalomania" in the dictionary should be A-Rod's picture.
— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) November 20, 2013
MSNBC somehow manages to make the cantina on Tatooine look like the Algonquin Round Table.
— Dennis Miller Show (@DennisDMZ) November 20, 2013
Whoever came up with the idea for the Chicken McNugget should be running the NFL. #Genius
— Jason Whitlock (@WhitlockJason) November 20, 2013
Or be sports czar.
Jennifer Hudson is always sing yelling at people.
— Dane Cook (@DaneCook) November 20, 2013
Love me some good sing yelling.
“Would you like a receipt?” “No thanks, IT’S NOT 1981.”
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 21, 2013
Receipts are so lame now.
boobs are so cool… i still am not sure why, but they are SOOOOOOO cool!!!!!!!!!!!!
— James Deen (@JamesDeen) November 21, 2013
They are pretty sweet.
I wonder who is more humiliated.. Rob Ford, or the people who lost to him during election.
— Aubrey O'Day (@AubreyODay) November 21, 2013
I think the word she meant to use was “proud.”
A million dollars in gold bars was found in an airplane's toilet. What part of "only toilet paper" don't they understand?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) November 21, 2013
The nerve of some people.
Oh just thinking about how hard I'm gonna mix every single dish on my thanksgiving plate
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 21, 2013
It’s going to be so awesome.
Can't leave the house because all my Tap Out hoodies are in the wash. So frustrating!
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 21, 2013
I hate when that happens.
"Thou shalt not say 'fuck you' to assholes" is not a commandment
— Ronda Rousey (@RondaRousey) November 21, 2013
Whatever you say, Ronda.
.@BarackObama tired of waiting for you're website to work so I just put a vitamin up my penis .
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) November 21, 2013
Probably just as effective.
Just dreamt that Morgan Freeman and I somehow swapped voices. We got into a slap fight cuz I booked a job for a kitty documentary he wanted.
— Melanie Iglesias (@MelanieIglesias) November 22, 2013
Again, a way better dream than mine.
I’m not exactly nuts about the bwazzz bibbbbbb bwazzzz waahhhzzz ggrrnnn bbbbbb grrrrwwn, but that dead mouse five kid was the tops tonight.
— Wil Wheaton (@wilw) November 22, 2013
Dead mouse 5 is pretty cool.
Not putting a period on the end of your tweet doesn't make you seem busy it makes you seem like you're trying to seem busy
— Whitney Cummings (@WhitneyCummings) November 22, 2013
So you’re trying to seem busy, Whitney?
— Vanilla Ice (@vanillaice) November 22, 2013
Ice really likes Follow Friday..
Yes, the JFK assassination was a tragic event, but without it, we would not have a key lyric to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) November 22, 2013
There are none so p*ssy as those who will not prance
— RuPaul (@RuPaul) November 21, 2013
Have a great weekend, everybody!